Girl: So I told them to just go ahead and ship the extra reports to our suppository in –
Guy: -Wait, I’m sorry, what did you just say? Did you say “ship the reports to the suppository”?
Girl: Yeah…
Guy: Um, it’s “repository.” Suppositories are pills that go in your ass.
Pause.
Girl: Fuck.
Route 1 South
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Emily
Corporate lawyer: What were we talking about again?
Helpful manager: One-armed lawyers.
Corporate lawyer: Ah, right. One-armed lawyers. Let me tell you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise that you don’t start losing your memory as you get older.
Polite laughter from meeting attendees.
Corporate lawyer: So. Um. What were we talking about again?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Boss: Oh my god! There were things in there that I should have put away or hidden, like sex toys in stuff that I keep in my underwear drawer.
Coworker: She wouldn’t go in your underwear drawer.
Boss: Well that’s why she’s there…to help us pack. Oh my god, I have like two sets of handcuffs, too.
2355 West Bangs Avenue
Neptune, New Jersey
Telemarketing lady: There’ll be no laughing in this office. That’s right, no levitation.
121 Monmouth Street
Red Bank, NJ
Overheard by: Heidi Schwartz
Co-worker: My nickname at work is Blondie. For some reason, everywhere I work my nickname ends up being Blondie. And I don’t even tell them that was my nickname before!
193 Maple Avenue
North Plainfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Megan
Computer tech: how often you clean your hard drive?
Customer: Once in a while, but I always use Windex.
27 Scotch Road
Trenton, New Jersey
Overheard by: chris doan
CSR: I feel bad though that I’m leaving — I really like it here.
Manager: Oh, don’t feel bad. We got our money’s worth out of you.
Supervisor: Uh.
Manager: Um, I know, that sounds bad, huh. What I mean is that we, as a company, would much rather hire smart people who leave after two years than stupid people who stay here for, like, forty.
CSR: Thanks?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Suit #1: Why is the boss laughing like that?
Suit #2: She’s reading the staff’s self evaluations.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Director: Thanks for all your help on that project.
Peon: No problem…It’s not like I had a choice.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
VP Sales: I’m big on giving it all up to the client. You know, easy access.
Peon: I’ve heard that about you.
716 Main Street
Boonton, New Jersey
