Super pregnant co-worker to new hire: Oh my god, it's like I can feel his face pushing up against my vagina whenever I walk!
(new hire stares in stunned silence)
Super pregnant co-worker, attempting to backpedal: Well, I mean, not all the time. But if I walk really fast then I get worried it'll mess up his face! Like, “woah, dude, what happened to your nose?” “My mom had a really heavy gait when I was in utero, man.”
New Jersey
Overheard by: So, what does it feel like when you sit?
Human resources rep, bringing in files: I am the depositor of things to be scanned!
Peon: I don't like you.
Human resources rep: Hahaha! I don't like you, either.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Coworker, on accepting payment: Sir, I can take it one of two ways, but I do need it badly today.
New Jersey
Manager: I can't take any time off between jobs, with what my wife spends. I have to jump on the next job before she empties out our bank account.
Raritan, New Jersey
Manager: I hate it when black people make a big deal about being black when they accept awards. It’s like the Holocaust; they have to get over it.
4189 Route 9
Freehold, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert Max Freeman
Professor: For example, say I give this woman a hundred-dollar bill… No, that's not a good example. Say I give her a mug of hot lava…
Stevens Tech
Hoboken, New Jersey
Young employee on cell: You know how you wear pants that are too tight and you get that mark? It's kinda like that.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Male coworker: I'm not afraid to fall to my death. I'm really not.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Customer #1 (sitting in waiting area waiting for prescription for 40 minutes): (cough cough hack hack wheeze)
Customer #2: Oh, you sound awful, I hope you haven't been waiting long.
Customer #1: I've been here for almost an hour watching the dance of the dipshits that's going on behind the counter.
Customer #2: There's entertainment now?
CVS Pharmacy
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Network admin: Yeah, I saw Aladdin in the theater.
Help desk supervisor: That’s because you’re a faggot.
Network admin: No, it’s because I have kids.
Help desk supervisor: Well, your kids are faggots, too.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Frank
