Guy seeing a purse in a chair: Who left this green bag here for me to go through?
Girl: It’s mine, but there’s nothing in it but an empty wallet and some tampons.
Guy: I love tampons! Oh, wait…
1280 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Amazed
Announcement over PA after lights go out: Attention everyone — the lights are off.
Cambridge, Ontario
Canadia
Former military guy: Yeah, back when I was enlisted we used to joke that if we ever won the lottery that we would take off all our military owned equipment and walk out the front gate of the base in nothing but our underwear.
Senior admin: Oh my gosh! Wouldn’t that mean you would be considered AOL?
North MacArthur Boulevard
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
CSR: Yeah, Alabama is first. I can’t think of any other states that start with ‘A’… Mhmmm… Oh, right, Arizona. And Iowa.
Boston, Massachusetts
Boss: We need to be the blind kids with the M16s playing soccer.
Suit: [Silence.]Boss: You understand what I’m saying?
64th Street
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Caller: I was trying to complete my request with your voice automated system, but it would not accept my diagnosis code.
Phone rep: Okay… what is your diagnosis code?
Caller: Oh… I don’t have a diagnosis code.
201 West Main Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Juice
Customer on phone: How much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: 75 gallons.
Customer: No, I said how much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: Ma’am, two hundred dollars will buy you 75 gallons.
Customer, exasperated: No, no, no! How much. Is two hundred dollars. Worth of oil?
Worker bee, confused now: Um… Two hundred dollars?
Customer: That’s what I was askin’ you! Jesus! [Hangs up.]Worker bee: Did she just call up to ask me whether two hundred dollars is worth two hundred dollars?
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gypsy
Election board office manager: I don’t know if you’re aware, but every election you need to contact all the local funeral homes about absentee voting.
Worker: Ummm, funeral homes? Don’t you mean nursing homes?
Election board office manager: Oh, yeah. Whatever.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Xanadu
Lady #1: Where were you yesterday?
Lady #2: I was at my mother’s cousin’s funeral.
Lady #1: Why, did she die?
Lady #2: Yes.
Raanana
Israel
Overheard by: Shy One
Consultant #1: Should we print copies so people can take notes?
Consultant #2: I never take notes — I have a phallic memory. If I see it once, I always remember it.
Bay Area Boulevard
Houston, Texas
