General Idiocy

Admin: I just ordered the pizzas, but I don’t know if it’s gonna get here. I kept telling them, “Our building is on Exalander Road,” and they didn’t even know where that was.
Boss: We work on Alexander Road.
Admin: I know, that’s what I kept telling them. Exalander Road. But they had no clue.

Route 1 South and Alexander Road
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Emily

Secretary: Put it in! Put it in! Faster, c’mon! I can’t take it, put it in! [Giggles]Worker: Ready? Here we go. [Excessive grunting]Secretary: Oh yeah, that feels great! Oh, yes.

Boss walks by. Looks in office.

Boss: What the hell is going on here?
Secretary: He just put the air conditioner in!

2000 Peel Street
Montreal, Quebec

Overheard by: Monika

Library patron: Do y’all know where this book is?
Library employee: Try looking by periodicals.
Library patron: Who?

100 Decatur Street
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Jebediah

Co-Worker on phone: I feel like seeing a movie. Okay, what’s it called?…Who wears Prada?…Fidelo?

330 Garden Street
Santa Barbara, California

Overheard by: Violet White

Girl: So I told them to just go ahead and ship the extra reports to our suppository in –
Guy: -Wait, I’m sorry, what did you just say? Did you say “ship the reports to the suppository”?
Girl: Yeah…
Guy: Um, it’s “repository.” Suppositories are pills that go in your ass.

Pause.

Girl: Fuck.

Route 1 South
Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Emily

Starbucks customer: Yes, I’d like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that’s what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell that here anymore.

Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: a smarter customer.

City editor: Do you think they give you your money back if your kid dies at Disney World?
Editor-in-Chief: No, but Mickey Mouse volunteers to be a pallbearer at the funeral.
Sports editor, in a Mickey Mouse falsetto: Hey guys, what’s in the box?

7 North Jefferson Street
Huntington, Indiana

Overheard by: tricky nikki

Corporate lawyer: What were we talking about again?
Helpful manager: One-armed lawyers.
Corporate lawyer: Ah, right. One-armed lawyers. Let me tell you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise that you don’t start losing your memory as you get older.

Polite laughter from meeting attendees.

Corporate lawyer: So. Um. What were we talking about again?

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

Interviewer #1: You have had many jobs at that same company. Can you describe your work environment?
Forty-six-year-old proper woman: My company liked to move us around a lot so we got experience in different departments.
Interviewer #1: Was this a standard practice?
Woman: Oh, yes. They did that for everyone working at the restaurant’s HQ. Every six months we would move from department to department. We liked to call it “tossing the salad.”
Interviewer #1: Excuse me?
Interviewer #2: [Spits out his water.]Interviewers #3,4, and 5: [Look away and laugh uncontrollably]Woman: I got my salad tossed every six months, but in the past year moved it up to every three months. It’s all part of the manager training program.
Interviewer #6: Did you like getting your salad tossed?
Woman: Yes, I did.
Interviewer #6: It must take some getting used to. We have never tossed salads here, but that is not to say we won’t someday.
Woman: I would highly recommend it.

Church Street
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: PS

Manager: I made a mental note about that, but I don’t seem to have brought it with me.

State Office Campus
Albany, New York

Overheard by: schaefs