General Idiocy

Worker #1: Damn, they’ve spelt my name wrong on the rota again.
Worker #2: How did they do that?
Worker #1: They used the wrong letters, idiot!

Trafalgar Road
Birkdale, Southport
UK

Receptionist: Hey everyone, tomorrow the building management is changing the bathrooms codes to 6-1-5.
Co-worker #1: But…we don’t have a 6.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, the buttons only go up to 5.
Co-worker #1: Is the building management trying to tell us we’re not allowed to pee any more?

2425 West Loop South
Houston, Texas

PR: [Linda], it’s me. Could you buzz me when the news crew gets here…[Linda]?
Receptionist on speaker: Well…uh…[Eric] asked me to buzz him when they got here.
PR: Um, okay?
Receptionist on speaker: [Eric Dixon].
PR: I know who [Eric] is.
Receptionist on speaker: See, yeah, the thing is that [Eric], [Eric Dixon], uh, just called and asked me to buzz him when the news crew gets here.
PR: Yes.
Receptionist on speaker: So, what? Do you think…it would be better if I buzzed you instead? Because [Eric Dixon] asked me…
PR: Do you think you could just buzz both of us?
Receptionist on speaker: Oh. Yeah, I guess I could do that.

1875 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: frau

Customer: I don’t understand why I can’t book a flight for the 1st
of January 2007.
Travel Agent: That’s because our schedules are only published 350 days in advance.
Customer: I know that, so why can’t I book the flight today? There’s
360 days in the year, so logically the seats can be booked today.
Travel Agent: Because that would be 365 days in the year, sir.

225 Bath Street
Glasgow, Scotland

Co-worker: Oh, I keep having these irrational dreams too. The other night I dreamt that I made this little mistake and it brought down like the entire company. And in the papers it said, “entire company went down because of this one stupid assistant!” And everyone knew my name and I couldn’t get a job anywhere, so I have to move to Europe and marry a guy to get my visa. Then I was a product of domestic abuse because he knew I was co-dependent on him.

175 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Peter H

Worker #1: How do you spell “vulnerable”? V-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e?
Worker #2: No, it has an “l” in it. V-u-l…
Worker #1: Pfff, no. It’s v-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.
Worker #2: It has an “l” in it. V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.

Worker #1 gets the dictionary and struggles to find it under v-u-n.

Worker #1: Oh…How peculiar! Hang on.
Worker #2: V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e. Would you like me to give you the Latin root and related words? Vulnerare…vulnus…
Worker #1: Well, I never! It has an “l” in it! Well, well. You don’t pronounce it like that, though. What’s the “l” for?
Worker #2: …It’s for making it a real word.

200 Green Lanes
Palmers Green, London
UK

Overheard by: Peachey

Project Manager: So it sounds like the only thing holding us back from launching early is being ready.
Meeting: …

1900 Prairie City Road
Folsom, California

Overheard by: Sumeet

Co-worker #1: Don’t you think the enter key is kind of phallic? You know–how it’s all “enter” with an arrow pointing?
Co-worker #2: Huh. Yeah. Weird.
Co-worker #1: And there’s the backspace button too. Arrow points the same way.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, maybe that’s so gay people don’t feel left out?

350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Cubicle #1: I seriously just saw the churchy lady feel some guy up right now.
Cubicle #2: What?
Cubicle #1: Yeah. he looked horrified too.
Cubicle #2: Huh. What kind of “feeling up” are we talking here?
Cubicle #1: I’ll show you when I go down there.
Cubicle #3: Sounds good.

350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Co-worker #1: Did you know that the egg yolk was never able to be a chicken unless it’s fertilized?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I mean, like eating this hard-boiled egg is like eating the eggs that you expel during your period.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, like right now I mean, you could get down and just lap it up.

845 United Nations Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: Sharon