General Idiocy

Employee: So Doc, how long before the leg grows back?
Vet: It’s not a freakin’ starfish!

4448 Hendricks Avenuw
Jacksonville, Florida

Business Services Manager: I just sent you that logo in Word format.
Web Manager: Word isn’t really an image format, but I can probably make it work.
Business Services Manager: Well, I probably have it in another format. I think I might have it as a Giraffe.

211 Commerce Street
Nashville, Tennessee

Exec: Okay, before I forget…um. I already forgot.

460 Park Ave South
New York, NY

Overheard by: J.B.

CEO: We can’t shoot our parents until we can afford to move out of the house.

355 Burrard Street
Vancouver, British Columbia

Co-worker on phone: Hello? I need to talk to the Chinese girl…I don’t remember her name…”Sing-song”, or something like that.

2300 East Prospect Road
Fort Collins, Colorado

Co-worker #1: I don’t understand why she had to take her birthday off. I mean, if it’s just your birthday and you’re not doing anything special, what’s the point?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I’d only take the day off if it was my birthday and I had cancer.

147 Columbus Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper

Peon #1: Those Jordanians are really teed off.
Peon #2: Is that even a word?

9115 Harris Corners Parkway
Charlotte, North Carolina

Boss: Did you hear about the terrorist attacks in Jordan?
Secretary: Um, yes; a suicide bomber killed hundreds of people at a wedding.
Boss: You see, you shouldn’t attend so many weddings. The odds are against you.

10550 North Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California

Boss: Those cupcakes are delicious. What a sugar rush!
Intern: I broke out in hives.
Boss: In hives?
Intern: A rash. My skin is very sensitive.
Boss: To sugar?
Intern: Yup.
Boss: That’s amazing.
Intern: When I was a kid I got sick and I had to have, like, ten X-rays a day. Literally, five X-rays a day. And I think that messed up my photons.
Boss: Your photons?
Intern: Yeah, that’s how X-rays work, you know? They reverse your photons. That’s how they get the image.
Boss: Oh.
Intern: That’s why my skin is so sensitive, because they messed up the photons. They won’t admit it, because they don’t want me to sue them. But I know what’s up.

10 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: pixelvisions

[Janet]: You can drown if you drink too much water.

[Janet]: Summer is my favorite month.

[Janet]: Where is Latin? Isn’t that a country?

[Janet]: The funniest thing I heard today, I said it myself. I said, “You mean John White, the black man?”

Co-worker #1: I’ve heard about some diets that help regulate the acid-base balance in the blood. Is there any validity in those diets?”
Co-worker #2: I think that your kidneys help do that.
[Janet]: My equilibrium does that.

Instructor: Emphysema patients have chronic weight loss.
[Janet]: Is that why you gain weight when you quit cigarettes?

2070 North Rivers Business Center
Charleston, South Carolina

Boss: We will be taken off the internet. It is slowing down productivity.

5 minutes pass.

Worker #1: …What will I do all day?
Worker #2: Work.
Worker #1: Ha, ha! Whatever.

3275 Steinway Street
Astoria, New York