Pediatrician to screaming addicted newborn: Oh, you poor thing, are you jonesin’ for some crack?

Jacksonville, Florida

M.D. #1: Hey, look! They named their kid Babygirl!
M.D. #2: No way, that’s hilarious!
Janitor: Actually, it just means they haven’t named their child yet and that it’s a baby girl.
M.D. #1: Are you a doctor?
M.D. #2: I bet he’s not even a doctor.
Janitor: [walks away]

GroupHealth Cooperative
Lacey, Washington

Overheard by: lauren

Receptionist: So we’re going to need to reschedule his appointment, then?
Nurse: No, Mary*, this patient has passed away.
Receptionist: Okay, so then I’ll call him in the morning?
Nurse: You don’t understand. He’s dead.
Receptionist: Well, Dr. Smith* has a slot open for Monday…
Nurse: He’s dead.

Providence Hospital, 5th Street and Colby Avenue
Everett, Washington

Receptionist: I feel like I look like I just rolled out of bed and came into work.
Dental assistant: Well…did you?
Receptionist: Well, yeah…but still!

Centennial, Colorado

Nurse #1: I love poop!
Nurse #2 to everyone: She's losing it!

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Lauren

Two nursing assistants were feeding old men at the home.

Nursing assistant #1: Wow, you’re a really awesome chewer.
Nursing assistant #2: I bet you say that to all the guys.

694 Isaac Prugh Way
Kettering, Ohio

Physician: What can you tell me about this X-ray?
Student: It’s a male pelvis with two fractures.
Physician: It’s shaped like a male pelvis, but it’s not.
Student: How can you tell?
Physician: The lack of a penis outline on the X-ray helps.

Emergency Room, University of Kansas Hospital
Kansas City, Kansas

Overheard by: Stifling the Laugh

[In the ER.]Nurse #1: Oh my god.
Nurse #2: What?
Nurse #1, looking horrified: I just entered all of these notes on the wrong patient’s file.
Nurse #2: It’s okay. Just go back, delete, and re-enter them for the right patient.
Nurse #1, distressed at herself: But that’s awful! What would have happened?
Nurse #2, shrugging: ‘s’okay, happens all the time.

Beckley, West Virginia

Doctor #1: Where did you say the patient has been recently?
Doctor #2: Ummmmm, Ghana? Something like that?
Doctor #1: So, Africa.
Doctor #2: No, South America.

525 E 68th Street
New York, New York

Receptionist #1: Where's Linda today?
Receptionist #2: She's gonna be out for a while, she's having surgery on her thyroid.
Dentist: I didn't even know she had a thyroid.

Bayside, New York