Male nurse #1: I just thought of something. Wouldn’t it be so embarassing being a gynecologist? What’s your motivation? Man, that would just be so embarrassing.
Male nurse #2: Yeah, especially with your name, Dr. Beaver.

Geisinger Medical Center
Danville, Pennsylvania

Elderly patient: Go away, you cross-eyed slut!
Nurse: I'm not cross-eyed!

Hillsboro, Oregon

Mom to son: Once again, she wasn’t stabbing you!

Exiting Doctor’s Office
Campbell, California

Overheard by: Sami

Skinny middle-aged man to large middle-aged receptionist: May I borrow your phone?
Receptionist: Sure, sugar.
Skinny middle-aged man, after calmly speaking with another doctor: And when I get there, I'm going to crap on your desk! (to receptionist) Thank you for letting me borrow your phone.
Receptionist: You're welcome, sugar.

Gastroenterology Office
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: the intern

Female: But there's like four or five on one arm!
Male: I know they're green, but are they hard? Soft?
Female: Big. Green.

New York State Psychiatric Institute

Overheard by: Rina

Nurse #1: It’s more important that we get rid of the dead things in the clinic.
Nurse #2: The smell’s still there?
Nurse #3: Have you tried spraying the air with something?

1230 York Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Molly the Mole

Coworker #1: I was berated by Susan* yesterday because I asked for my light fixture to be fixed… again… after 13 days. She got angry because she ‘has more important things to worry about.’ Apparently, her husband’s in the ICU.
Coworker #2: Dude, she’s going to have to unplug him.
Coworker #1: I understand that, but I resent the accusation that somehow my asking for my light to be fixed betrays an insensitivity to the plight of her almost-dead husband.

Austin, Texas

Nurse: Have you ever done any other drugs? Cocaine? Meth?
Patient: I have loved meth since the day it was introduced to me.

Gall Boulevard
Zephyrhills, Florida

Hygienist: What's the two bubbles with the line mean?
Office assistant: That's a percent symbol.

Dental Office
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: A

Colleague eating lunch: I'm going to put this whole thing in my mouth, so don't look.
Colleague not eating lunch: That's what she said.


Overheard by: GrassL337