Manager: We really need to work on proper pronunciation on the phones. We really hear a lot of this, and it definitely needs to be improved. For instance: How do you say a-s-k? Anyone? (pause) You say “ask” not “axed”!
Employee: Well, who say dat?
Wayne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: office grunt #12
Kid #1: Number five is A, as in ‘asshole.’
Teacher: No, number five is B, as in…
Kid #2: Bastard!
Teacher: No, B as in ‘booby.’
High school
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: oh my
Co-worker on phone: I’m sorry, can you say that again?…I’m sorry…I’m having some trouble understanding what you’re trying to say…Why don’t you have your boss call me and we can get this straightened out?
Hangs up.
Co-worker: Just go back to your motherfucking country…Christ.
839 Marshall Phelps Road
Windsor, Connecticut
Overheard by: Douchey Douchelton
Assistant to receptionist: Remember that phone call you transferred to me earlier? The guy you thought was drunk? Turned out he was just Canadian.
Reston, Virginia
Older secretary lady: Childbirth is such a magical experience, unlike anything else in the world. It's just so amazing, you wont understand until you're a mom.
20-something female coworker: Um… All I asked was if I could reserve the company van!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Vans have feelings too
Product development guy: I just got an e-mail in Chinese… What do I do?
Product development gal: Just copy/paste it into Microsoft Word and change the font.
Product development guy: It's Chinese, not Wingdings.
Queens, New York
Employee #1: Did you see Idol last night?
Employee #2: Sorry, I don't watch Idol.
Employee #1: James got put off!
Employee #2: I don't watch Idol.
Manhattan, New York
Sorority girl in Spanish class: ‘Diabolico…’ That means he’s diabetic, right?
Classmate: No, it means diabolic.
Sorority girl: So, diabolic… Is that like a medical condition?
Modern Languages building, University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Ditzy intern: I know you’re busy so I’m not going to exasturbate things…
Suit: Oh, not at all… In fact, better that you exasturbate me than the boss.
1901 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
Coworker: Hey, Paul*, my daughter just learned to say ‘Thank you’ in Chinese.
Paul: That’s great. Sounds like a smart kid.
Coworker: Yeah! I think I’m gonna tell Amy*.
Paul: Amy’s Korean
Coworker: Isn’t it the same thing?
1234 Brookdale Drive
Glendale Heights, Illinois
