Asian coworker: What are you doing?
Caucasian coworker: Assembling the trade booth so we all know how to do it.
Asian coworker: Trade booth?
Caucasian coworker: For conventions, we set this up so people know who we are.
Asian coworker: What are you trading? Can I trade?
Caucasian coworker: Nevermind! Go back to your desk!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Defendant: Judge, my probation officer says I was drinking. I told him I wasn’t! I told him he could blow me.
111 South Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan
Waiter: Señorita, would you like something to drink?
Guest: Si, a mojito, please.
Waiter: Muy bien. And señora — if you need anything else, do not hesitate to ask me. I am your master. I mean, you are my master. No… Uh… I am here to serve you.
Hotel bar
San Jose
Costa Rica
Overheard by: Pura Vida
Intern: I’ve got to start looking for a job.
Secretary: Did you talk to your Placement Office about networking?
Intern: They sent me some contacts. But they were in the Pacific.
Secretary: Did you contact them?
Intern: I don’t even speak Japan.
1010 Gratiot Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan
Manager: We really need to work on proper pronunciation on the phones. We really hear a lot of this, and it definitely needs to be improved. For instance: How do you say a-s-k? Anyone? (pause) You say “ask” not “axed”!
Employee: Well, who say dat?
Wayne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: office grunt #12
Kid #1: Number five is A, as in ‘asshole.’
Teacher: No, number five is B, as in…
Kid #2: Bastard!
Teacher: No, B as in ‘booby.’
High school
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: oh my
Co-worker on phone: I’m sorry, can you say that again?…I’m sorry…I’m having some trouble understanding what you’re trying to say…Why don’t you have your boss call me and we can get this straightened out?
Hangs up.
Co-worker: Just go back to your motherfucking country…Christ.
839 Marshall Phelps Road
Windsor, Connecticut
Overheard by: Douchey Douchelton
Assistant to receptionist: Remember that phone call you transferred to me earlier? The guy you thought was drunk? Turned out he was just Canadian.
Reston, Virginia
Older secretary lady: Childbirth is such a magical experience, unlike anything else in the world. It's just so amazing, you wont understand until you're a mom.
20-something female coworker: Um… All I asked was if I could reserve the company van!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Vans have feelings too
Product development guy: I just got an e-mail in Chinese… What do I do?
Product development gal: Just copy/paste it into Microsoft Word and change the font.
Product development guy: It's Chinese, not Wingdings.
Queens, New York
