The Guilty

Probationee: You’re a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You’re like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.

Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Defendant: Judge, my probation officer says I was drinking. I told him I wasn’t! I told him he could blow me.

111 South Michigan Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan

Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you threaten anyone with the gun?
Defendant: I don’t remember.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: not a juror

Plaintiff: Yo, son, who is you to be judgin’ me?
Civil court judge: I am the judge. It’s my job to judge you.
Plaintiff: Whatever, yo.

Supreme Court
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: RP

Client: How bad? Are we talking about just paying the three million, or are we talking penalties bad?
Accountant: We’re talking jail bad.

Broward Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida