Language barrier

Employee #1: Did you see Idol last night?
Employee #2: Sorry, I don't watch Idol.
Employee #1: James got put off!
Employee #2: I don't watch Idol.

Manhattan, New York

Sorority girl in Spanish class: ‘Diabolico…’ That means he’s diabetic, right?
Classmate: No, it means diabolic.
Sorority girl: So, diabolic… Is that like a medical condition?

Modern Languages building, University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona

Ditzy intern: I know you’re busy so I’m not going to exasturbate things…
Suit: Oh, not at all… In fact, better that you exasturbate me than the boss.

1901 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina

Coworker: Hey, Paul*, my daughter just learned to say ‘Thank you’ in Chinese.
Paul: That’s great. Sounds like a smart kid.
Coworker: Yeah! I think I’m gonna tell Amy*.
Paul: Amy’s Korean
Coworker: Isn’t it the same thing?

1234 Brookdale Drive
Glendale Heights, Illinois

Employee on phone with a French company: I’m sorry that you’re offended that I don’t speak French, sir…Well, I don’t know what to tell you. I speak English and Korean; I just don’t speak French. We have a great offer here. I think you’d like to hear about it, even in English…Well, if you’d like I can speak to you with what French I do know but I’m afraid it will only be “hello” and “yes” or “no.”…I’m sorry that you think my lack of French represents what’s wrong with America in general…

61 Broadway
New York, New York

Whitest white girl talking to black store manager: You will see me at your store, fo' sho'… Er… for sure.

Hawthorne, New York

Coworker: Do they speak English in Maine?

Asheville, North Carolina

Overheard by: Native of Maine

Secretary: Well, we’re going to Jersey for that meeting, so we could go to the Village Gourmet.
Engineer: Yeah, that was good the last time.
Surveyor: Doesn’t the guy that owns that one own another one too, right down the street from the Village Gourmet?
Secretary: Yeah, but it’s really expensive, everything’s a la carte.
Engineer: What does a la carte mean anyway?
Secretary: Dude, you’re 26 years old and you don’t know what a la fucking carte means?
Surveyor: Aren’t you French Canadian, too?

One Penn Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: Melissa Miller

Client: Sorry I didn't call you yesterday, I had to chase my 25-pound dog for 40 blocks.
Sales rep: Oh yeah? What kind of dog?
Client: Apparently a Mexican one, if he can't understand when I tell him to stop.
Sales rep: That just means he pretends not to speak English so he doesn't have to listen to you.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Overheard by: Clarissa StTacocrotch

Engineeron phone to production guy: Let me call you back. I might have someone check the Mandarin label for correctness.
. . .
Engineer on phone to production guy: Yeah, Pei* can come by tomorrow at 8:00am to check the label. Is that OK?
Production guy: No.
Engineer: Oh, is that a problem?
Production guy: Yeah, there are a lot of much better looking Chinese girls in the building.
Engineer: Uh…You are on speaker phone.
Three-second silence.
Production guy: Well uh yeah, that should be fine.

800 Beaty Street
Davidson, North Carolina