Washington

Dental Assistant: Whatever you do, don’t lick your tongue.

710 NW Juniper St.
Issaquah, Washington

Overheard by: Margaret

Employee: Do you always have to act like a child?
Manager: This company is all about innovation. And studies have consistently shown that the most innovative thought comes from the ages of five and under.

31601 Pacific Hwy South
Federal Way, Washington

Lawyer: You need to learn how to be human. Be less perfect; you don’t have to be so precise about everything. Be less professional. Any questions?
Secretary: Yeah. Do you have a handbook for how to be human?
Lawyer: Oh, now you’re going to be a smartass.

701 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Barmaid: I know, but it’s funnier as an STD.

Seattle, Washington

Bagger: What kind of bag would you like?
Dismissive shopper: You pick. I haven’t been here in a while, so I don’t know what the options are.

7504 Aurora Avenue North
Seattle, Washington

Lady worker on phone: So, is this a bring-your-own-rubber-chicken kind of party?

Coffee brewery corporate center
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Gryndyl

Writer, presenting: I tried to get out of the way and let the thing be the thing, here.

Renton, Washington

Co-worker #1: Wow! That’s the longest email I’ve ever gotten from a customer.
Co-worker #2: Really? What is it?
Co-worker #1: [Kateunderscorelee]@yahoo.com
Co-worker #2: That’s not long…Oh! Um, do you know what an “underscore” is? You don’t spell it out.

1001 Roeder Avenue
Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Chris Shard

Employee accompanied by small child: I smashed it on the ground and then I hit it with a chair, and now it feels like it's on fire. It's not, but it feels that way.
Small child: (inaudible)
Employee: No, I don't think any blood's coming out.

Redmond, Washington

Coworker #1: So you saw her at church then, that is kinda cool.
Coworker #2: Yeah, because at least I know she isn't out getting gang-banged on a Sunday, which is nice.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Professor Awesome