Attorney on phone: Hi, sweetie. I’m going to come pick you up after school tomorrow to take you to your appointment… Well, Mommy was going to, but she’s too important to leave the office, and I’m not that important, so I can leave.
1 World Financial Center
New York, New York
Guy clerk: Hey, this safety pamphlet says to get into the bathtub if a tornado is coming.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don’t they just build houses shaped like giant bathtubs?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Customer service manager on personal call: You went to somebody’s funeral and sold purses?!
Chamblee, Georgia
Overheard by: achooAlison
Employee: Hello, and welcome to XYZ Store*. How are you today?
Suit: Um, I’m alright. How are you?
Employee, shrugging half-heartedly: I work at XYZ Store.
Suit: Oh, right. Sorry.
Electronics store
New York, New York
Overheard by: I’ll try and be nicer to them from now on
Musician on speaker: We are super-psyched, yo. It is huge for us.
Producer: You need to do this show, if you do this show you are going to blow up. Blow up like shit!
441 East 12th Street
New York, NY
Art director: Does anyone want to see a baby wrestle a cobra?
West Sahara Avenue
Las Vegas, Nevada
Customer: Last week I bought two of these toy bulldozers for my nephews, and I’d like to exchange this one for a backhoe.
CSR: Okay.
Customer: Would you like me to go back to the toy department and get the other one?
CSR: No, I’ll page and have someone bring one up here for you. [Over intercom] Attention, Toy Department. Will someone please bring a black ho to the service desk? I repeat, we need a black ho at the service desk.
Value City
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Did that really just happen?
Dispatcher peering into Tupperware container: I am so sick of kielbasa I could kick Jesus in the shins!
Emergency center
Pennsylvania
Tour guide: And this here is what we call a “grotto,” from the French word for “water.”
Secret Caverns
Cobleskill, New York
News editor: I’ve already passed the high point of my day where I mute Regis and Kelly.
101 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: an amused underling
