Customer service manager on personal call: You went to somebody’s funeral and sold purses?!

Chamblee, Georgia

Overheard by: achooAlison

Employee: Hello, and welcome to XYZ Store*. How are you today?
Suit: Um, I’m alright. How are you?
Employee, shrugging half-heartedly: I work at XYZ Store.
Suit: Oh, right. Sorry.

Electronics store
New York, New York

Overheard by: I’ll try and be nicer to them from now on

Musician on speaker: We are super-psyched, yo. It is huge for us.
Producer: You need to do this show, if you do this show you are going to blow up. Blow up like shit!

441 East 12th Street
New York, NY

Art director: Does anyone want to see a baby wrestle a cobra?

West Sahara Avenue
Las Vegas, Nevada

Customer: Last week I bought two of these toy bulldozers for my nephews, and I’d like to exchange this one for a backhoe.
CSR: Okay.
Customer: Would you like me to go back to the toy department and get the other one?
CSR: No, I’ll page and have someone bring one up here for you. [Over intercom] Attention, Toy Department. Will someone please bring a black ho to the service desk? I repeat, we need a black ho at the service desk.

Value City
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Did that really just happen?

Dispatcher peering into Tupperware container: I am so sick of kielbasa I could kick Jesus in the shins!

Emergency center

Tour guide: And this here is what we call a “grotto,” from the French word for “water.”

Secret Caverns
Cobleskill, New York

News editor: I’ve already passed the high point of my day where I mute Regis and Kelly.

101 Marietta Street
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: an amused underling

Office consultant that everyone hates: Once I commit to something I tend to try to do it.

Community Co-op
Newark, New Jersey

Over the cube wall: That’s apples and oranges. But the oranges are red.

2nd Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Murray