Consultants

Why the President Has a Press Secretary

CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I’m fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay… That’s uh… He’s uh… standing right over there…
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy… He’s all yours.

1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted

Two Dollars at Hooters Is Like a Hundred Bucks at the Cheetah Club

Creative designer to secretary: I only have two dollars to go to Hooters tonight. Do you know where the petty cash is hidden so that I can borrow some money?

Ardice Avenue
Eustis, Florida

Overheard by: serena

Why Pavarotti Had to Write His Lyrics on His Hand.

Music agent slamming phone down angrily: God, he’s so unintelligent! I mean, even for a tenor!

1st District
Vienna
Austria

You Seem to Have Lost Your Passion for the Business

Market researcher, frustrated at client: I don’t have auto pilot Las Vegas porn attendance statistics in my brain!

Pearl District
Portland, Oregon

When Let’s Go Travel Writers Talk Dirty

Office peon: It’s amazing what delicacies you can find hidden within the bush.

5757 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

You’re Supposed to Read Them, Not Use Them As a Blanket

Retired lawyer: I’m just buried under these law documents.
Boss: Wait, are you practicing law without a license?
Retired lawyer: No, without knowledge.

2550 Q Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: C Dubz

1PM Lunch

Secretary: You look kind of like Bill Gates.
Specialist: I don’t look dorky enough.
Secretary: How dorky do you not think you look?

25 Sigourney Street
Hartford, Connecticut

Oh, Stop Sucking Up

Executive: If I had to use that, my arm would fall off!
Scientist: This coming from the guy with the largest disposable pipette!

Rockland, Maryland

Some Lives May Be Better Unexamined

Canadian arborist: Check it out. I can streamline the camera in the town square back at home in Brandon. I called my dad and told him to drive by and wave. Sometimes, if you watch long enough, you can see someone crash.

Westchester, New York

Should Have Just Used Duct Tape

Receptionist: … And let me just tell you, those at-home wart freezers do not work on your poonani.

Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Glad I wore my space suit

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