Analyst: Lehman Brothers called about the kegs order.
156 West 56th Street
New York, NY
Analyst: Lehman Brothers called about the kegs order.
156 West 56th Street
New York, NY
Lawyer: You need to learn how to be human. Be less perfect; you don’t have to be so precise about everything. Be less professional. Any questions?
Secretary: Yeah. Do you have a handbook for how to be human?
Lawyer: Oh, now you’re going to be a smartass.
701 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Originator: Two charts are just great. Very helpful. Two is a lot more
than one.
VP: Yeah, it’s like twice as much.
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
Speaker: What was the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
Attendee: Jumped off a bridge into a river in Fiji.
Speaker: Why’d you do that?
Attendee: ‘Cause Tony Robbins told me to.
481 8th Avenue
New York, NY
Agent #1: So, I see this girl, you know, in the grocery store. And she’s just this freak of a girl. A tall, thin freak. And it’s like this beam of light just descends on her, basking her in the smell of success. You know those moments?
Agent #2: The moments where you see tall, thin freaks?
Agent #1: Well, yeah — it’s like time stands still and you know you’ve just gotten the gold.
Agent #2: Yeah. It’s a religious experience.
Agent #1: Completely. Completely religious.
Outside DNA modeling agency, 5th Avenue
New York, New York
IT chick: Okay, okay, slow down… Your mouse isn’t working? [Pause] Ma’am… Ma’am, pick it up off the floor.
Internet domain registrar company
Scottsdale, Arizona
Receptionist on phone: Mom, there are no pictures of them in the paper. I don’t want to live in a decapitated house!
Lincoln Highway
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Assistant Girl
Senior consultant: Hey, what’s the difference between four and five?
Consultant: How am I getting paid less than you?
Waterloo, London
Overheard by: he said what I was thinking
Attorney on phone: Hi, sweetie. I’m going to come pick you up after school tomorrow to take you to your appointment… Well, Mommy was going to, but she’s too important to leave the office, and I’m not that important, so I can leave.
1 World Financial Center
New York, New York
Guy clerk: Hey, this safety pamphlet says to get into the bathtub if a tornado is coming.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don’t they just build houses shaped like giant bathtubs?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
