Consultant on phone with spouse: Oh, I’m just reading a blog post about a woman flying from San Francisco to Newark, and this guy sitting next to her starting to watch hardcore porn on his laptop… Well I’d hope he was wearing headphones! Did your father feed the baby yogurt again?
5th and Market
San Francisco, California
Receptionist: Farce? Is that like farts?
352 7th Avenue
New York, New York
Editor: Never mind the farting sounds you heard from across the hall. They’re nothing to worry about.
353 Sacramento Street
San Francisco, California
Bond salesperson to trader: Yeah, Stew’s* pretty conservative. He doesn’t do Fannies.
1000 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon
Accountant: Be right back. I have to go buy an ax.
East Lancaster Avenue
Downingtown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: marianoelle
Male realtor: Have you ever been to England?
Lady office manager: No, why?
Male realtor: The women there are really ugly no matter how horny you are.
Highway 19
Florida
Blonde receptionist: Do you have any Krazy Glue?
Paralegal: I don’t think so. Why?
Blonde receptionist: My tooth fell out.
Paralegal: I think you need to see a dentist.
Blonde receptionist: No, my teeth are always falling out and I just Krazy Glue them back in.
Paralegal: Krazy Glue? Maybe that’s why you’ve been getting all those headaches…
Blonde receptionist: No, that’s because I quit smoking back in February.
Law office
Great Neck, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Consultant on phone: You need to set corporate goals. Without goals, you’re like a boat on the water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
Trader: If you’re drunk or high come over and share, but if you’re retarded I can’t help you.
1801 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: her boss
Lawyer #1: I can’t wait to get rid of those cows.
Lawyer #2: I thought you liked your cows.
Lawyer #1: Well, I did, but then one of them got a little too close and now I have a large bruise on my right thigh.
Lawyer #2: You were just too proximate.
401 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas
