Editor: Never mind the farting sounds you heard from across the hall. They’re nothing to worry about.

353 Sacramento Street
San Francisco, California

Bond salesperson to trader: Yeah, Stew’s* pretty conservative. He doesn’t do Fannies.

1000 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon

Accountant: Be right back. I have to go buy an ax.

East Lancaster Avenue
Downingtown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: marianoelle

Male realtor: Have you ever been to England?
Lady office manager: No, why?
Male realtor: The women there are really ugly no matter how horny you are.

Highway 19

Blonde receptionist: Do you have any Krazy Glue?
Paralegal: I don’t think so. Why?
Blonde receptionist: My tooth fell out.
Paralegal: I think you need to see a dentist.
Blonde receptionist: No, my teeth are always falling out and I just Krazy Glue them back in.
Paralegal: Krazy Glue? Maybe that’s why you’ve been getting all those headaches…
Blonde receptionist: No, that’s because I quit smoking back in February.

Law office
Great Neck, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Consultant on phone: You need to set corporate goals. Without goals, you’re like a boat on the water.

Ottawa, Ontario

Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch

Trader: If you’re drunk or high come over and share, but if you’re retarded I can’t help you.

1801 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: her boss

Lawyer #1: I can’t wait to get rid of those cows.
Lawyer #2: I thought you liked your cows.
Lawyer #1: Well, I did, but then one of them got a little too close and now I have a large bruise on my right thigh.
Lawyer #2: You were just too proximate.

401 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas

CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I’m fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay… That’s uh… He’s uh… standing right over there…
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy… He’s all yours.

1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted

Creative designer to secretary: I only have two dollars to go to Hooters tonight. Do you know where the petty cash is hidden so that I can borrow some money?

Ardice Avenue
Eustis, Florida

Overheard by: serena