Woman: Don, can you hang this on the wall, because you are tall?
Man: I hate being tall… People are always asking me to do things. Maybe next time I drop a coin I will ask a midget to pick it up.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Co-worker #1: I hate not having a stapler.
Co-worker #2: But you have a stapler. It’s right there.
Co-worker #1: But I don’t have a stapler.
Co-worker #2: Are you Zen or something?
Co-worker #1: What do you mean?
Co-worker #2: It’s very Zen to have/not have a stapler.

551 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Suit #1: He was an okay analyst and he knew a lot about the markets, but–
Suit #2, interrupting: –So what was the problem?
Suit #1: Well, he was from the South so he couldn’t write very well.

110 Wall Street
New York, New York

Cube girl on phone: And I’m having a really bad day. I just licked an interoffice envelope.

New York, New York

A co-worker steps out of the elevator into the reception lobby.

Co-worker #1: Ew, it smells like a nursing home in here.

5 minutes pass.

Co-worker #2: Mmm, it smells good in here.

55 Southbank Boulevard
Melbourne, Victoria

Overheard by: Emily Hopkins

Salesman: Well, I worked my way up from a mechanic to a salesman, but I’m still treated like the low man on the scrotum pole.

625 Spring Street
Reading, Pennsylvania

Lady on phone: Girrrl, you done sound like an apple pie that’s been baked!

Evanston, Wyoming

CCA #1: The client says his squirrel machine’s broken. What the hell is a squirrel machine?
CCA #2: One of those things with the wheel, where the squirrels run around?
CCA #1: I don’t think we provide those.
CCA #2: What’s the problem?
CCA #1: He says it’s broken.
CCA #2: Is he feeding it enough?

2 Charlotte Street
Sackville, New Brunswick

Co-worker: You were listening in on me talking to myself and not understanding the conversation!

261 W. 35th Street
New York, NY

Overheard by: simon feil

Matthew McConaughey’s mother: I wish you were Woody Harrelson. He always has better pot than you.

Patrick McConaughey: I fucking hate you too, mom. [out the window] Hey babe… don’t you know who I am?

Matthew: You people bring me down.

Backseat of the car I was driving
Austin, Texas