Boss: Whoever invented cheese is a great American.
Coworker: Cheese wasn’t invented by an American.
Boss: Well, whoever did invent it should be made an American.

Austin, Texas

Engineer: It's okay. It's chickens.

Denver, Colorado

Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.


Indian man on voice mail: Hello, my name is Joe*. I am calling for my friend Alan Warren*. This is for Susan*. Please give Alan a call. He would like you to be the mother of his children.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Coworker: Crocodiles are carnivores, alligators are vegans.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Middle-aged coworker to another: So I saw U2 last night… You know, the rock and roll band.

Fairfax, Virginia

Overheard by: Chris

Manager: Go home every day and watch Dukes of Hazzard. Problem solved.

Friendly's Ice Cream
Convent Station, New Jersey

Office worker: Do you know what that meeting was about?
Manager: Nope.
Office worker: But, what did we talk about?
Manager: Don’t know, don’t care, anyway, the cookies were nice.
Office worker: They were, weren’t they?

The Hague
The Netherlands

Overheard by: bewildered

Office worker on speakerphone: Hello.
Creepy customer: I was just sitting here eating some creamed corn and thinking about you so I thought that I would give you a call.
Office worker: Please hold and I will transfer you to my supervisor.

1st Avenue
Birmingham, Alabama

Coworker to another: Oh, that guy is in that movie. What's his name… Martin Small.

Elgin, Illinois