Agent: … And I have to go back out there because her husband’s not in town this weekend.
Receptionist: Really? Where is he?
Agent: He’s out of town!
Receptionist: … Yeah. Thanks.
2661 Riva Road
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Car Ramrod
Agent: … And I have to go back out there because her husband’s not in town this weekend.
Receptionist: Really? Where is he?
Agent: He’s out of town!
Receptionist: … Yeah. Thanks.
2661 Riva Road
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Car Ramrod
Sales guy: Is the old copy machine face-up or face-down?
Office manager: Face… up. No, face-down. Eh, just try it both ways.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Coworker #1, drinking with group: I’ve got two kids, a daughter and a son.
Coworker #2: Oh, yeah? I didn’t know that. Does Betty* have any kids?
Coworker #3: No. Glen* has kids, though.
Coworker #1: Who?
Coworker #3: You know, Glen — over there at the table across the room. He has two daughters. They came to the office a couple times. One’s about 12, and the other’s 15 or something like that.
Top executive: Yeah, and they’re pretty hot, too! [All three coworkers silent.] Uhhh… Healthy, I mean. Good kids.
Spirit of Seattle Argosy Cruise Ferry, Lake Union
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Why Can’t I Be Deaf?
Coworker #1: Yo! Can you send me that link again?
Coworker #2: Which one?
Coworker #1: You know, that one you sent me. With the article about the guy from My Chemical Romance.
Coworker #2: You mean Wikipedia?
Coworker #1: Yeah. I wonder what else is on there.
Internet service provider, 110 Symonds Street
Auckland
New Zealand
Male officer: I’ve hit women before.
Female coworker: I bet you have.
Male officer: Prisoners. Like this one who tried to scratch me. I told her, ‘You’re not a cat, and I’m not a post. Now I’m gonna have to change your future.’
Newark, Delaware
30-ish dude: We’re not calling it ‘no support.’ We’re calling it ‘free reign.’
Elevator, Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Christin
Office guy #1: Apparently we can’t have mechanical pencils anymore.
Office guy #2: Dammit! That supply czar is drunk with power.
1255 23rd Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Kristen
White coworker, with food in mouth: Are you going upstairs?
Black coworker: I’m sorry, what? I don’t speak cracker. [White coworker gasps.] I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant you had a cracker in your mouth!
White coworker: Sure you did!
D Street SW
Washington, DC
Cube rat exiting front door: I’m going out. Can I bring back anything for anybody?
Voice from back of room: Johnny Depp.
Cube rat, disgustedly: Oh, nice, but I meant bring back anything to eat.
Different voice from back of room: Johnny Depp on a cracker.
4th Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Female peon to another: My roommate wants me to do laundry, but I don’t know when I can do it. I’m too hung over on Saturday morning, and I have Bible study Sunday morning.
Studio City, California
