Peon: Wow! I wouldn’t sit on that even if its mouth was taped shut.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Peon: Wow! I wouldn’t sit on that even if its mouth was taped shut.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Cube dweller #1: So she was talking dirty to me last night and I was all asking her what she was thinking about.
Cube dweller #2: Yeah? What was it, dude?
Cube dweller #1: She was thinking about some role playing shit, so I told her to tell me details, you know? I wanted to know exactly what it was!
Cube dweller #2: Yeah…
Cube dweller #1: So she starts laughing and says, ‘I was actually trying to decide what boots I wanted to wear.’ I’m like, ‘You’re talking about boots when I have a fucking hard-on? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!’
Cube dweller #2: Did you do it anyway?
Cube dweller #1: Naturally…
Scituate, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Glad my wife doesn’t wear boots….
Cube dweller #1: So, you were skinny before?
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, I had a botched hernia. They nicked my bowel — it was like taking a dump on your organs.
Cube dweller #1: Man, that sucks. Didn’t you get a big settlement for it?
Cube dweller #2: No, because I survived. Besides, the old lady got most of it in the divorce.
Cube dweller #1: Man, I’m never getting married.
Simi Valley, California
Coworker on phone: Well, while you’re waiting you should warm up the manatee.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Male worker on way to LGBT conference: I can’t believe we have to go learn about butch dykes — I think I know a lesbo when I see one.
Female worker: You should be careful what you say around here.
Male worker: Don’t get mad at me just because you’ve had a raspberry mustache one too many times.
Female worker: excuse me?
Male worker: Don’t lie — I know you’ve been down river when the dam broke.
Female worker: Uh…
52 South Main Street
Fall River, Massachusetts
Overheard by: bobby
Employee #1: Is it warm outside?
Employee #2: Eh, it’s a little chilly. Grab a sweater.
Employee #3: Or a vest. Or a sweater vest!
Employee #2: Oh, Sally*, no! It’s never sweater vest weather.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
Peon #1, after dealing with an idiot tech from another company: Maybe she has an extra chromosome.
Peon #2: Are you saying she has Downs Syndrome?
Peon #3: Maybe it’s like in Dune where you have the extra chromosome and you’re super-human.
Peon #2: Something tells me Frank Herbert wasn’t a geneticist.
Peon #1: I don’t know. Some of those retards are really strong. They’ll rip your fuckin’ arms off.
160 South Old Springs Road
Anaheim Hills, California
Overheard by: ApollyonBoB
Coworker: One of my high school teachers was fired for having inappropriate relationships with students… Apparently he had a thing for sisters.
New girl: Like nuns?
32 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
Guy: I can’t stand Red Bull. It tastes like old people.
Girl drinking Red Bull: You know what that tastes like?
Lucent Boulevard
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Red Bull Ben
Cube dweller: You would not believe what an expensive soy sauce can do!
535 Marquette Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
