Female worker: I’m serious, I don’t like to put things in my mouth that might squirt out! I mean–
Stunned coworker, interrupting: –No, you’ve probably said enough.
Female worker: I’m talking about the doughnut.
121 Zeeb Road
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Female worker: I’m serious, I don’t like to put things in my mouth that might squirt out! I mean–
Stunned coworker, interrupting: –No, you’ve probably said enough.
Female worker: I’m talking about the doughnut.
121 Zeeb Road
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Mid-life crisis coworker: Hi, this is James*. You remember me? Good. Well, I was just calling to tell you that there’s lettuce on my bagel, and I ordered no lettuce, no tomato, and this is the third time this has happened. You guys make great food, but this is unacceptable and I thought you should be aware of your error.
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Coworker: I bought some new gi-normous pearls — they’re like testicles!
1st Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoltarpanaflex
Office drone: It’s like… once you see the purple elephant walk into the room, you just don’t care.
490 1st Avenue South
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: django
Office peon: That John Wilkes Booth — they just didn’t shoot Lincoln soon enough.
Arlington, Texas
Office grunt: There’s nothing wrong with grandmas… Like you’ve never wanted a GILF!
1440 South Clearview Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Garbageman on phone: I am calling in sick. I took some Cialis and I have had an erection for more than four hours… Has anyone used that excuse before?
Dispatcher: No, not that I recall.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: dispatcher who has heard it all
Coworker #1: She got to the point where she couldn’t leave the house anymore. She had that — what do you call it — homophobia.
Coworker #2: Ah, I think you mean ‘agoraphobia.’
Coworker #1: No, I’m pretty sure it’s homophobia.
Coworker #2: … If you say so.
187 Thomas Street
Sydney
Australia
Coworker: You see that door right there? We can fit, like, nine minors in there!
Bloomington, Indiana
Flight attendant #1: I used to get high before studying for tests. Did you ever try it?
Flight attendant #2: No, no, I never did that.
Flight attendant #1: It really works… Hey, did you study the new rules for flights shorter than two hours? Lots of information.
Flight attendant #2: Are you high right now?
Flight attendant #1: … Why do you ask?
United flight
Nebraska
Overheard by: Ken
