Coworker #1: So, I got my girlfriend to give me a wax job on the weekend — y’know — down there.
Coworker #2: Oh, yeah? How was that? Nice?
Coworker #1: No… She waxed my piercing off through the skin.
Coworker #2: Shit!
Coworker #1: Yeah…
Government Department
London
England
Guy: Man, having cigarettes without a lighter is like having peanuts without the jelly!
Lady: Don’t you mean butter?
Guy: Oh, no. I got the butter.
1450 East Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: smoking some distance away
Early bird #1: Our system is down.
Early bird #2: Crap. Well, that’s okay. I really didn’t feel like doing anything today, anyway.
Early bird #1: I guess maybe around eight someone in corporate will come in and get us rollin’.
Early bird #2: I don’t think they get in until 8:45.
Early bird #1: I guess we just hang out, then!
Early bird #2, going to cubicle: Actually, it’s Friday, so we probably won’t hear anything from corporate until after nine… At least we have the Internet! Wait! Oh my god, do we have the Internet?!
Early bird #1: Yup, already checked. Internet is up!
Early bird #2: We’re good, then.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Worker bee: How many more times are you going to touch those?
Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia
Partner #1: What’s on the agenda for my meeting with Jerry*?
Partner #2: Ask whether his HIV is full-blown AIDS. Find out if he’s using client money to pay for his crystal meth habit. Ask if he’s ready to face the NASD, SIPC, and SEC.
2999 North 44th Street
Phoenix, Arizona
Office grunt: I wish they would come to see if our workplace is killing us.
11 4th Street
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: cuberat
Coworker #1: I remember trying heroin once. It was the only time I managed to beat my aunt at Scrabble.
Coworker #2: Dude, that’s like doing coke and kicking back with a puzzle!
600 Anton Boulevard
Costa Mesa, California
Female coworker: Paul*, did you stick your finger in the machine last night?
Macon Avenue
Asheville, North Carolina
Peon, about new manager: We can be flexible and try new things and watch it blow up in her face.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Analyst #1: It’s perfect — it’s like a unicorn.
Analyst #2: We’ll see some disagreements on perfect.
Empire Avenue
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Statja K
