Man: I talked to John. He said he and Michelle got divorced less than a year after they were married. I really didn’t like her anyway. She was really bullheaded.
Woman: Oh. That’s too bad.
Man: Yeah, they just got divorced, but he’s doing well. He just adopted a seventeen-year-old girl. It’s helping to distract him.
Woman: Huh?
University of Oregon
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: Reed
Resident: Patient was seen today at his home. He’s still complaining that the beams from Oregon are bothering him, but he said they aren’t affecting him too badly right now. In fact, he said that they don’t affect men too much in general – it’s really women who should be worried about the beams, especially, he said, when they’re aimed at women’s private boxes.
Social worker: Did you just say private boxes?
Psychiatric clinic
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Dispatcher: Don’t take it personally. You gave me the finger, I gave you the tongue.
Salt Lake, Utah
Worker bee #1: Hey, did you notice Claire* doesn’t wear that green suit thing anymore?
Worker bee #2: No, I think she realized people were calling her Shrek.
Worker bee #1: [after a pause.] yeah… Yeah I can see that actually.
Civic Drive
Greensborough
Australia
Overheard by: it’s so true
Underling to boss, incredulous: The lord was cock-blocking you?!
Boss: Sure! It’s in the bible!
Los Angeles, California
Customer service rep to customer service rep: Dude, I totally fell asleep in the middle of that last call. The lady was like, uh, hello? I said, uh, yeah, sorry about that. My computer’s really slow.
Elevator
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here…
Office manager to adult male employee, in reference to getting his name embroidered on his jacket: No, you never do that. That means pedophiles can come up to you and go “Jooohhn… Come heeeeeere, I’ve got some caaaaaaandy!”
Humble Texas
Co-worker to boss: You wanna hear how self-centered I am?
Boss: Please!
Los Angeles, California
Professor: So, you know how if you feed your sister-in-law’s kid a lot of sugar and caffeine, and he gets all crazy-like and runs around screaming? Well, that’s like exciting the molecule. And after a while, the excitement dies down, and he hits something. Like a wall. And if you’re lucky, he vomits. Fluorescence is the vomit of molecule excitation.
High Point University
High Point, North Carolina
Overheard by: This is what we’re teaching the leaders of tomorrow?
Software programmer, rapping while coding: Encrypt that shit! Encrypt that shit! Keep those bitches out of our shit!
Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Chris
