Places

It’s Hard to Keep All Those Former Soviet States Straight

Girl: Hey, Pete*, are you feeling smart today?
Guy #1: Maybe, why?
Girl: Do you know if Korea is a separate country, or is it, like, part of China or Japan?
Guy #1: I have no idea. Why do you need to know?
Girl: I’m trying to look up UPS rates for Korea, but I can’t find Korea.
Guy #1: Troy*!
Guy #2: Yes?
Guy #1: Is Korea a separate country from China or Japan?
Guy #2: Yes.
Girl: OK, well, I can’t find it on the drop-down. Is it called something else?
Guy #2: Republic of Korea?
Girl: No.
Guy #2: South Korea?
Girl: Oh… OK, there it is!

Phoenix, Arizona

It Lost Its Virginity in Sixth Grade!

Blood drive participant: My blood is faster than your blood!

1924 Alcoa Highway
Knoxville, Tennessee

She’s One of Those Undercover Deafies

Grease monkey #1: That woman over there…
Grease monkey #2: Yeah?
Grease monkey #1: Is she deaf or something?
Grease monkey #2: Yeah, she’s deaf.
Grease monkey #1: But she looks just like any other woman, yo!

Jiffy Lube, Rosecrans Boulevard
San Diego, California

Overheard by: BigWig

Solitaire Is a Conspiracy by the Black Man to Undermine White Productivity

Employee #1: Blacks, blacks everywhere! Stupid blacks! I can’t do anything with them. They just take over.
Employee #2: Cletus*, quit playing solitaire and do some work.

Downtown
Missoula, Montana

Overheard by: non-profit ninja

Why They Both Wanted Breast Implants Is Anybody’s Guess

Boss: How are your parents?
Worker #1: Fine, thanks for asking.
Worker #2: My parents are fine, too, thanks for asking!
Boss: I’m happy to hear that. When both of my parents were in the hospital at the same time, it was really hard on our whole family.

28th Street & 6th Avenue
New York, New York

Won’t They Need to Wait for Him to Get Back to Do That?

Employee #1: Is this Sammy’s* or yours?
Employee #2: I think it’s Sammy’s.
Employee #1: I don’t want to shuffle everything off to him since he’s on vacation.
Employee #2: No, he’s not here… let’s screw him!

1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: DB

You’re Probably Going to Arrive at Your Point Soon, but the Rest of Us Don’t Want to Be Here When You Do

Employee: My friend ate a penis once… but not in a sexual way. It was a Romanian specialty dish or something like that.

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Overheard by: prefekt

We Only Sell Information Here

Customer: Does this come in black?
Store clerk: Yes. [walks off]

Department store, Rockville Pike
Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Doctor Whom

Thus, He Probably Overcharged for His Chuppahs

Employee #1: Well, we already live together.
Employee #2: Oooh, living in sin!
Employee #3: Jesus won’t be happy with you.
Employee #1: Well, I’m Jewish, so Jesus already isn’t too happy with me.
Employee #3: That’s true.
Employee #1: I think when I get married under a chuppah, he might get upset!
Employee #2: Jesus was Jewish, though.
Employee #3: Jesus was also a carpenter.

1500 Broadway
New York, New York

At Last We Learn How Howard the Duck Got Greenlighted

Writer: I told you that duck was evil.
Designer: I know.
Writer: But you kept trying to squeeze him in the layout anyway.
Designer: I know. He looked so tempting when I first saw him! But that duck was the spawn of Satan.
Writer: I told you he was a freak.
Designer: He lured me in!

16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: I don’t really want to know.

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