That Explains Some of the Stains, Though

Lawyer: Oh, he’s a philanderer?
Legal assistant: No, he works at a paint store.

14340 57th Avenue
Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

Posted on August 30, 2020
Canadia, Employees, General Idiocy, Lawyers, Places, Questions, Words

Tupac’s Propaganda Machine, on the Other Hand, Is Alive and Thriving

Counselor: Is that a Tupac T-shirt? You’re five. Tupac wasn’t alive when you were born. What do you know about Tupac?
Kid: I know the haters killed him.
Counselor: Touché.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: SB

Posted on August 14, 2020
Arts, Comebacks, Consultants, Death, General Idiocy, Gripes, Kids, Places, Virginia

Lifting, Puking, and Shooting: The Lloyd Roid Story

Designer: I can’t find a photo to represent personal trainers. The only stock images we have are too creepy. Look kind of like an after-school special.
Writer: Like a molesting-kids after-school special? Or the kind about bulimia?
Designer: A cross between those and the ones about steroids.
Creative director: Oh. That sounds OK. Use whatever you guys have.

16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona

Posted on November 2, 2019
Arizona, Arts, Bosses, Designers and Photographers, General Idiocy, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, Places, Writers and Editors

You’re Less Fun Every Time I Talk to You

Co-worker #1: Man! Sasha* is on the phone every time I go over there to talk to her.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, you’re right! She is! You know who else is on the phone a lot? Latoya*.
Co-worker #1: … She’s the receptionist…

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Posted on November 1, 2019
Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Dumb Employees, Friends, General Idiocy, On the phone, Places, Retail, Virginia

Why “Employees Must Wash Hands” Signs Exist

Gay server #1: We’ll be meeting that non-lesbian who looks just like a guy.
Gay server #2: Dibs on her anus.
[pause]Gay server #1: It’s always about the anus with you, isn’t it?

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Posted on September 4, 2019
Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Employees, Friends, Gays and lesbians, Indiana, Physical Appearance, Places, Retail, Sexuality, Wishes

Like You’ve Never Stared at His Package?

Flustered bailiff: Ok, I sound a little obsessed with this woman I have zero connection to other than she had sex with the delivery guy my married co-worker has a crush on, but seriously, what a whore.

Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California

Overheard by: Administration

Posted on August 21, 2019
California, Default, Employees, Feelings, Gossip, Government, Insults, Places, Relationships, Sexuality

After Her Last Album’s Failure, Ms. Wilson Went into a Bit of a Slump

Guy: Hey, can you tell me how to get to Billings, Montana?
Desk clerk: Yeah, just go north on 95, then east on 90. That’s the best way to get there.
Guy: Thanks! I just got fired. I’m a carnie. Carnie!

Hillcrest
Moscow, Idaho

Overheard by: They have small hands.

Posted on July 22, 2019
Crazies, Employees, Geography & History, Idaho, Offers and requests, Places

I Was Thinking More in Terms Of Using It As Toilet Paper

Editor to writer: Do you want to talk about your cover story submission?
Writer: Not really.
Editor: Well, there are a couple of techniques we could use to improve it.
Writer: Is one of them leaving it the hell alone?

Augusta, Georgia