Receptionist: You should use tap water instead of Poland Spring to make coffee.
Secretary: You make coffee your way, and we’ll make it our way.
Receptionist: How much do each of those jugs cost?
Secretary: What? Look, just…The water is brown and it smells bad.
Receptionist: The water is not brown and it does not smell bad.
Secretary: Well, you’re entitled to your opinion.
Receptionist: Since when is a known fact an opinion?
113 University Place
New York, NY
Accounting supervisor: I'd really like for this customer to start paying on time.
Trade floor director: Well, I'd like bigger tits and a smaller ass, but that's not going to happen.
Houston, Texas
Customer: I left something in a cab and I would pay very well to get it back.
Dispatcher: Sure, I just need to know the description of the item to see if it's been returned.
Customer: Umm, I'd rather not explain.
Dispatcher: Well, how do I find it? It can't be that bad.
Customer: Well, it's a brown bag. Has anyone turned in a brown bag?
Dispatcher: Not that I'm aware of. Look, do you know the cab number?
Customer: No, but I think it was one of your cabs.
Dispatcher: You think? Did you catch a name? Know anything about the driver?
Customer: He was foreign, like, Middle Eastern. I think his name was Ali.
Dispatcher: Seriously?
Burnside Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Harassed Dispatcher
Customer: I need to have some work done on my car, and I want to know how much it’s going to cost.
Shop guy: Okay, let’s go take a look.
Customer: Well, the car isn’t here, it’s at my house.
Shop guy: You need to bring the car here if you want an estimate.
Customer: I don’t need an estimate, I just want to know how much it’s going to cost.
Auto body shop
New Jersey
Girl: My dad said I can't get a boob job because of the economy. I told him if I got a boob job, I'd have a better chance of getting hired and making money.
Costa Mesa, California
Admin on phone: No, I can't write your budget justification for you, you have to do that yourself. (pause) Because I cannot justify what you are doing, that's why!
Fordham University
Guy in next office: I don't believe in marriage. Women just take your money.
Beverly Hills, California
Boss man, picking up bill at lunch: Well, I can either pay for this lunch or we can all draw straws to see who gets laid off.
Amherst, Ohio
Overheard by: I hate this place
Head of IT: Can we get those new computers?
CFO: Sorry, it’s not in the budget this year.
He walks over to the calendar.
CFO: Hey, isn’t this last year’s calendar? When are you going to put up the correct one?
IT Drone: Sorry, a new calendar isn’t in the budget this year.
75 South Church Street
Pittsfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Boss: Our girl is interested in technology and will pay for it!
79 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Monkee
