Why Was Jesus Always With the Disciples, Man?

Geek #1: Yeah, I'm pretty good with the chicks these days.
Geek #2: Oh, yeah? How?
Geek #1: I just walk up to them and be like “how you doiiiinn'” and I got them.
Geek #2: Then why are you always with me?

SUNY
New Paltz, New York

Posted on May 6, 2020
Compliments, Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Lies, New York, Questions, Sexuality

That's What You Said About Using Your Intern As a Bench

Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that data for your report?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can't you just make up the numbers?
Suit #2: I would, but I already made up 60% of the numbers in the report.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, generally 40% of the numbers in a report have to be accurate. It's an accepted standard.

Cleveland, Ohio

Posted on April 5, 2020
General Idiocy, Lies, Office Politics, Ohio, Questions, Suits

I Thought Allen Died Last Year?

Office drone #1: Hello, may I help you? (pause) Who? Allen Michaels?* Please hold.
(shouting) Does anyone know where Allen* is?
Office drone #2: He's not in yet. Don't know where he is.
Office drone #1: I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. He said he'll call you back. (pause) Yes, he knows it's urgent. Thank you. (hangs up)

Brooklyn
New York

Overheard by: Jay-B (I work in a wacky place)

Posted on April 4, 2020
Coworkers, Lies, Meetings, New York, On the phone

Even Telling the Truth About It Nauseates Me

Receptionist: I’m sorry sir, no one at the tower can answer your call right now, there is a quartet singing a valentine on the floor. [pause] No sir, I wouldn’t lie about such a thing.

N. Frontage Road
Jackson, Mississippi

Posted on January 6, 2020
Default, Holidays, Lies, Mississippi, Music, On the phone, Receptionists, Weirdness

We Reserve the Right to Refuse Service to Everyone

Customer: I think you're making that up.
Employee: I think you're trespassing.

Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia

Posted on June 17, 2019
Canadia, Customers, Employees, Lies, Relationships

Customer: Wouldya Look at This Bullshit?

Assistant manager, about e-mail to customer: Wow, that was so much bullshit I didn’t even know when to stop!

11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Posted on January 27, 2019
California, Dumb Bosses, Gripes, Lies

What Does He Think the Mad Cows Eat?

Editor, looking at ad for “Summer Garden Madness”: Why is everything “madness”? There’s nothing “madness” about a basket of vegetables.

2 Penn Plaza
New York, New York

Overheard by: angry carrot

Posted on November 28, 2018
Lies, New York, Questions, Words, Writers and Editors

To Be Fair, He Gets Jet Lag from Walking to the Fridge.

Manager who has been in the office all week: Uh, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I haven't gotten that to you. Yeah, I know you need it. I haven't been home, I've been traveling.

Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: liz