Lies

Lawyer: So you actually filed a copyright application?
Creative director: Oh, no, we just slapped a circle “c” after everything.

312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Female employee: At first I thought she was bullshitting me to get out of going to daycare.

Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Joy

VP: Are you pregnant?
Worker #1: No!
VP: I’m just asking because it seems like you get pregnant every two months.
Worker #2: Hey! You can’t ask people if they are pregnant!
VP: I didn’t ask her if she was pregnant.

625 Mount Auburn Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Grad student: A few months ago she said it was national bring-your-bunny-to-work day– which I'm pretty sure she made up…so when I walked by her cube she had the bunny in a makeshift fort between her purse and some binders. And the next time I walked by, eight members of the senior staff were sitting in a circle on the floor playing with the bunny in the middle.

Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Intern

Woman #1, waiting for elevator: We should really take the stairs.
Woman #2: Yeah. I've been trying to take the stairs more.
(they proceed to wait another three minutes, until elevator finally comes)

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia

Young admin, talking about boyfriend who just moved: Yeah, but I'm really good with long distance relationships.
Manger: So you say, but haven't you cheated on all your exes so far?
Young admin: Um, yeah…technically.
Manger: So basically you just always find someone to fill the hole when they're gone. Shit! I mean void…I *so* didn't mean it like that!

Santa Maria, California

Marketer: So after sitting in her funky trailer for about 2 hours
listening to her talk about God, this lady was like, “Baby…I have been reading my Bible for 53 years…and I can tell you read your Bible, too…” So, I in my best Southern voice, said, “Yes, ma’am…I
read my Bible every day. I try to live my life according to the
Word.” But, I was just bullshitting. I’m probably going to hell. I mean she is like 90 and lives in a single-wide behind her daughter who lives in a double-wide…She can’t wipe her own ass…She’s about to die…and I am lying about reading the Bible. But we had a patient pass yesterday and we need one to take his place. Gotta keep the bodies moving…gotta get that bonus. Y’know?

1441 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina

Manager: I left it sticking out. Just tuck it back in and he'll never know we were in his drawers.

Burbank, California

Overheard by: urzzz

Office manager: Could you save this file somewhere in the system, please?
Receptionist: Where?
Office manager: Well, save it somewhere so that I could find it easily.
Receptionist, when manager leaves: Sure, bitch, I will do it, but don’t ask me if you can’t find it.
Office manager, returning: Excuse me?
Receptionist: Uh… I just said that I will save it in your directory, ma’am.

1250 Broadway
New York, New York

Overheard by: jullylully

Assistant editor, on Thursday: They want to get started on the Monday business page tonight.
Copy editor: How can you do that? What news are going to use?
Assistant editor: Well, we never use “real” news on Mondays.

Allentown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Art Department