Boss: Do you have any gum? I smell like tuna.
Secretary: Yes?
Boss: Thanks, I don't understand why I smell like tuna, I haven't eaten any today…
Reston, Virginia
Boss: Do you have any gum? I smell like tuna.
Secretary: Yes?
Boss: Thanks, I don't understand why I smell like tuna, I haven't eaten any today…
Reston, Virginia
Male manager: It was good, it tasted nice.
Male employee: It tasted like ass?
Male manager: No, it tasted nice.
Male employee: Oh, I don't like ass and I thought you were trying to appeal to my homosexuality.
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker: “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people”. Eleanor Roosevelt said that, and you know she was smart, 'cause she was uuuugleeeeeee!
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Coworker, arguing against gun regulations: They say that easy access to guns leads to mass killings. Well, there's easy access to prostitutes but I don't have syphilis. I restrain myself.
Nashville, Tennessee
Office worker #1: Guess what I have?
Office worker #2: Herpes?
Office worker #1: No, actually I have a Snapple lid with random fact #1, can you believe it? The first snapple fact! “Goldfish only have an attention span of 3 minutes.”
(silence)
Office worker #3, a row away: If you had herpes, that would have been more interesing.
Office worker #1: Go to hell.
http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/08/goldfish.html
Overheard by: e c.
Ditzy blonde intern: I just met the cutest guy on the elevator!
Less ditzy staff: Oh, which office does he work for?
Ditzy blonde intern: Hold on, he gave me his card. (shuffles through purse) Pol–politico's office?
Less ditzy staff: Shit, you talked to the press! You know you're not supposed to talk to those assholes!
Ditzy blonde intern: Shit! Are they gonna fire me?
Less ditzy staff: What are you gonna do about this?
Ditzy blonde intern, after long pause: Does politico do takebacks?
Washington, DC
Salesguy #1: I think Jane* may be the perfect woman.
Salesguy #2: How so?
Salesguy #1: I was talking to her about her Care Bear graphic on Messenger, and she said that she played with G.I. Joes, too. “I had them attack the strawberry bushes behind my house. That was my jungle.”
Salesguy #2: Dang!
Salesguy #1: I know! I was like, “I think I'm going to have to marry you. You may be the perfect woman.” I mean, it's hard to find a girl that played with G.I. Joes.
Salesguy #2: No, it's not. It's just that most of them don't dig dudes.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Large Korean who likes burgers: You better bring back In-N-Out. I hate Dick's, but love it when it's In-N-Out. Dick's are so small, they never fill me up, that's why it's always gotta be In-N-Out.
Jet City, Washington
Overheard by: Big Fan of Burgers-
Salesman to manager: One of my customers is looking for prices on a laptop.
Manager: Okay, what is he looking for?
Salesman: A laptop.
Manager: Yes, but what is he looking for? I can get him a piece of crap for next to nothing, or a real expensive one. What is he looking for? What specifications and size is he looking for, and what extras?
Salesman: Okay, I'll find out.
(three minutes later, after phoning customer)
Salesman: He is looking for one, the size of an adult male's hands placed next to each other.
Pretoria
South Africa
Admin on phone with daughter: Sure, you can go to Puerto Rico with the Jones*. (pause) How far is Puerto Rico, anyways? (pause) It's not really that far, right? It's like, part of the US, but it's one of those things–like a stepchild.
Lutherville, Maryland
