Comebacks

Co-worker #1: Man! Sasha* is on the phone every time I go over there to talk to her.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, you’re right! She is! You know who else is on the phone a lot? Latoya*.
Co-worker #1: … She’s the receptionist…

Tysons Corner, Virginia

Interviewer: So, how long have you been at this address?
Applicant: All day until I heard about this job fair.

450 Clyde Fant Parkway
Shreveport, Louisiana

Self-conscious colleague: Oh, I don't look very nice!
Supportive colleague: Yes, you do. Let me look (pause) No, you look like a dickhead.

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: confused but amused

Worker #1: Hey, do you have a sec?
Worker #2: Sure, I have lots of secs.

16101 North 82nd Street
Scottsdale, Arizona

American Coworker: Lets do Chinese!
Native Chinese Coworker: I know good p[l]ace!
American Coworker: Real Chinese food from real Chinese cooks?
Native Chinese Coworker: No, cooks all Puerto Rican.

11804 Cherry Grove Drive
Gaithersburg, Maryland

Tubby manager: I need to lose some weight.
Blunt manager: How about you quit eating like a twelve-year-old whose parents aren't home from work yet, chunk-style?

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Colleague #1, through the coat closet door: Oh, hey, you changing in there?
Colleague #2: Yes.
Colleague #1: Oh, okay. Mazel tov…
Colleague #2: Uhh… Mazel tov to what?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Jeff

Underling: Is that what you need?
Boss: I was asking for a shark with laser beams, and I got a manatee with flashlights? Thanks.

Kadena Air Base
Okinawa, Japan

Overheard by: R U Shittin’ Me

Nurse, pointing to birth control questionnaire: Ma’am, I think you answered this question incorrectly.
15-year-old girl: No, that’s right.
Nurse: It asks how long you’ve been with your current partner. You said five minutes.
15-year-old girl: That’s how long it took.

616 Court Street
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Vicky

College girl #1: I keep thinking I should smoke more often.
College girl #2: That’s probably not a valid assessment.

Binghamton University
Binghamton, New York