Underling: Is that what you need?
Boss: I was asking for a shark with laser beams, and I got a manatee with flashlights? Thanks.

Kadena Air Base
Okinawa, Japan

Overheard by: R U Shittin’ Me

Navy commander to his three-year old who’s locked herself in the connecting bathroom again: Susie*, open this door at once! I command you!

Visiting officer’s quarters, Tachikawa Air Force base

White coworker: Hey, I don’t mean to sound racist or anything, but are you Haitian?
Black coworker: Yeah, I am… But why is that racist?
White coworker: Because Haitians are dirty.

Outside Palms restaurant

Japanese engineer: So how is Detroit?
American engineer: Well, Detroit is what Chicago would look like if a nuclear bomb blew up there.
Japanese engineer: Nuclear bomb?
American engineer: Yeah, you know, like what a city would look like after you dropped a nuclear bomb on it. Kinda like that.

300 Takatsuka
Hamamatsu, Shizuoka

Teacher to assistant, while kids run around screaming: This day is going like my bowel movements: not at all.


IT nerd #1: Well, it’s kinda like when you are on shrooms.
IT nerd #2: Um…
IT nerd #1: Okay, well, same thing as LSD.
IT nerd #2: I have never tried that either.
IT nerd #1: Peyote?
IT nerd #2: No…
IT nerd #1: Mescaline?
IT nerd #2: I have never tried illegal drugs.
IT nerd #1: Okay, well, it’s kinda like quickly drinking 8 or 9 bottles of NyQuil.
IT nerd #2: Oooohhh, okay. That I’ve done. Now I understand.

2-3-14 Shinagawa-ku
Tokyo, Japan

Overheard by: Brian Milvid