Or Who Takes Magic Mushrooms. Whatever.

Editor: I want a story about a person.
Intern: What kind?
Editor: Oh, I don’t know. But it could be a lollipop man, who straps a rocket to the back of his lollipop, and now flies to New York in five seconds.

Edinburgh
Scotland

Posted on April 4, 2008
Advice, Interns & Temps, Offers and requests, Places, Publishing, Questions, Smart Bosses, UK, Weirdness, Wishes

Cassius Clay! You’ve Got a Point!

Clueless bible-thumper chick: Everyone should have to see “Passion of the Christ” so they wouldn’t take our Lord’s name in vain anymore. And do you notice how it’s only God’s name that they use? You never hear anyone saying “Oh, Muhammad Ali this, or Muhammad Ali that”.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Poor Jebus

Posted on April 3, 2008
Advice, California, Cinema, Compare and contrast, Default, Dumb Employees, Education, Names, Places, Religion, Religious folk

Like Every Issue of Every Women’s Magazine

Female peon: Linda*, I heard you are on a diet again!
Linda: Why? D’you have a diet?
Female peon: No, I am just clarifying. This way when I see you eat certain things, I can remind you that you are on a diet.

New York City, New York

Posted on April 3, 2008
Advice, Coworkers, Default, Diet & Weight, Dumb Employees, Meals and Snacks, New York, Places, Smart Employees

It’s Like You Learned Nothing in Clown College

Whiny girl: I don’t know why anyone won’t take me seriously!
Mentor: Well, Kimmy*, you’ve got to show some confidence.

San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: Not Steffi

Posted on April 1, 2008
Advice, Default, Gripes, Students, Teachers, Texas

Now You Know Everything I Know

Director of operations: The faster you run it, the faster it goes.

Kibler Street
New Washington, Ohio

Overheard by: What?!?

Posted on March 26, 2008
Advice, Bosses, Default, Ohio

Hypocritical Talk for a Girl Named Alley

Male peon: I hope you locked the door. If you didn’t, some hobo is gonna use my car as his bathroom.
Lady peon: You’re a hobo’s bathroom!

1255 Hempstead Turnpike
Uniondale, New York

Overheard by: glad i keep my doors locked

Posted on March 25, 2008
Advice, Comebacks, Default, Employees, Insults, New York, Restroom

Someone’s Gotta Give Him the Full Lube Service

Nurse: We need you to be here for the duration of your brother’s procedure. He should be done in 15 minutes or so.
20-something mechanic: Do I need to be here? [Points at floor.] Or here? [Points at room.] Because that is one flashlight I don’t wanna hold!

Proctologist’s office
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: but he’s taken a shine to you!

Posted on February 28, 2008
Advice, Arizona, Blue Collar, Default, Family, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Nurses, Time Management

… Anymore

Office chick #1: Don’t squeeze it! All the goo will come out!
Office chick #2, playing with stress ball: Why, what happened?
Office chick #1: I got a little too excited and squeezed it until it popped… That’s why I don’t hold babies…

Arlington, Virginia