Employee #1: I have an emergency at two PM.
Employee #2: That’s a very scheduled emergency.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Employee #1: I have an emergency at two PM.
Employee #2: That’s a very scheduled emergency.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Fire department personnel, answering phone: Fire department, can I help you?
Woman on phone: Yes, can I get a burn permit?
Fire department personnel: Yes, ma'am, just come to our office and we'll write one.
Woman on phone: And what are your hours?
Fire department personnel: Uh, ma'am? We're the fire department, we don't close.
California
Boss: The thought of it makes me want to throw up, so I thought I’d give it to you.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Gee, Thanks
Office lady: I am not having a good humpday. Stupid humpday!
Malvern, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: NotAtWork?
Techie: We should close the front doors or turn off the a/c to save some power, since it's blackout season.
Bad admin: I can tell you're paid on salary.
Techie: Uh, hmm?
Bad admin: I get paid hourly, therefore I like blackouts. If there's a blackout, I get to sit at my desk and do nothing for a few hours.
Santa Barbara, California
Co-worker #1: Where’s [Kate]?
Co-worker #2: She’s off all week.
Co-worker #1: I’m off Wed through Fri. What are you off?
Co-worker #3: Her rocker.
7000 Cardinal Place
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Thenodrin
Woman #1: Maybe it fell out because her vagina had no…tone.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #3: Right, no Kegel’s.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Right, you are supposed to do Kegel’s all day.
Woman #2: Since when?
Woman #1: From when you are 20. Or have a lot of sex.
Woman #3: I’d rather have a lot of sex than do Kegel’s, but I do them, too.
Woman #2: What? My vagina is fine without either one. Don’t tell my husband that, either.
Woman #3: You’ll be sorry when you are older.
Woman #1: You never did Kegel’s? We used to have contests at my other job.
Only man in the meeting walks in.
Woman #2: Well! What do men have to do?
Woman #3, smiling sweetly: Nothing. Men are perfect.
Bergen County, New Jersey
Co-worker #1: Hey, what did you last night?
Co-worker #2: I wanted to watch Joey last night but the President was on. Every time I turn on the TV anymore, it’s hurricane this and hurricane that. Makes me wish the hurricane never happened!
Co-worker #1: …I think Joey was on later in the night.
Co-worker #2: Damn it!
500 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado
Product Manager #1: It’s Spring Break.
Product Manager #2: How come we don’t get Spring Break?
Intern #1: Because you’re no longer young.
Intern #2: Or pretty.
777 4th Street
Los Angeles, California
Customer: You mean you don’t have any wheelchair seats left for that matinee?
Assistant manager: No ma’am. We have a lot of senior citizen groups that come to matinees and they tend to fill up our wheelchair seats.
Customer: Well, I would say put me and my husband in two regular seats, but he doesn’t have any legs!
Husband: It’s true, I don’t have any legs!
Assistant manager: Ummm, ok. Let me see what I can do for you.
Shenandoah University Theatre ticket office
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: Jennifer Ellerbe
