Receptionist: Hi, this is Pat*. I was calling to see if you wanted to set an appointment.
Customer on speakerphone: Yes, I do.
Receptionist: So, it looks like I set you an appointment before. What happened?
Customer on speakerphone: … You cancelled it.
Receptionist: Hm. I wonder why.
Atlanta, Georgia
Guy: What are you going to do in Melbourne?
Girl: One of the days I’m there I’m going to go from bar to bar — you know, just explore myself.
Mounts Bay Road
Perth
Australia
Manager: Are you going to keep filing those signatures today?
Intern: Yes, unless you have something more exciting for me to do.
Manager: Oh, here, I have some death certificates you could file.
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Yeah, that’s much better
HR hottie: I can’t think right now! Between Excel and porno midgets I’m nuts!
Westchester, New York
Training manager: So, how’s everything going?
New admin: Fine. Just fine.
Training manager: Are you sure? Do you need anything? Something I can help you with?
New admin: I’m sure. No, really, everything’s fine. I’m fine… I’m just going to, uh, run out to my car for a second. To, uh, grab a bottle of water. I’ll be right back [gets her things and leaves the office, never returns].
Training manager: Wow. Was it something I said?
Assistant: No, I think it was the fact that you kept staring at her boobs.
Training manager: Oh. Right.
East Gude Drive
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: the fly on the wall
Clerk: You know, the adult videos are ‘Buy two, get a third free.’
Best girlfriend evar: Really? Honey, go get that one we were looking at.
Boyfriend: What, the one with the two blondes on the cover?
BGE: No, no — the pirates one.
Boyfriend: Okay, be right back.
BGE, as soon as he’s out of earshot: Quick, while he’s gone can you box up that Spiderman statue behind you, too?
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Girl #1: Let’s prank someone.
Girl #2: Oh! We can call and say, ‘Is your refrigerator running?’
Girl #1: Exactly!
Girl #2: … I forget the punch line to that one.
Girl #1: Yeah… me, too.
330 Garden Street
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Violet White
CSR picking up discarded empty box: It would come in handy, even if we never used it.
Laurel House, Old Dover Road
Canterbury, Kent
England
Overheard by: John Dunmore
Manager: We really need some good ideas that senior management can throw darts at.
Underling: Hmmm…
Manager: Yeah, they don’t know what they want, but they’ll know when they see it. Then they’ll have something to throw darts at.
San Diego, California
Manager: I have a bunch of file folders. Can you sort them by color?
Assistant: Sure.
Manager: They’re in the back.
Assistant, returning with folders: These are all green.
Manager: Well, they’re different shades of green.
Assistant: Not really. It’s just that some are more faded than others.
Manager: I just think it would look nice if you sorted them into a pile of folders with straight greens and a pile with more of a spongy print. Are you okay with that?
Assistant: Sure. [To herself] There’s a lot of reasons why I don’t quit smoking.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
