Time Management

Female office drone #1 to #2: No, because I don't wait until the last minute to pee!
Female office drone #2: Well, I do.
Female office drone #1 : Well, that's on you, crazy!

Southfield, Michigan

Pharmacist: Okay, that prescription will be filled in 45 minutes.
Old man: Oh my, I'll be dead by then!

Santa Barbara, California

Chiropractor to patient: We are both usually adjusting at the same time, so it is hard to pin down one another.

Englewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Receptionist

Customer: I want to pay my bill. I know it’s two months overdue, so I
wanted to come and pay it in person.
Customer Service: According to our records they shut off your cable today.
Customer: But they said I had until today to pay the bill.
Customer Service: Well, your cable has been shut off today.
Customer: But today’s not over yet!
Customer Service: It is for you.

11020 Flatlands Avenue
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Paul

Accounting: You submitted a payment request for a renewal fee.
Peon: Yes.
Accounting: Can you find out how long the renewal term is for?
Peon: It says “annual renewal fee” on the invoice.
Accounting: Yeah, I saw that, but do you know when it’s valid until?
Peon: It says valid from October 31, 2005 on the invoice.
Accounting: Yeah, but can you make sure? You never know it could be for like two years or something.

3700 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Suit #1: So how have you been lately?
Suit #2: Eh, you know, overworked.
Suit #1: Yeah, same here…By the way, nice tan you’ve got there.
Suit #2: Thanks, you too.

590 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Office grunt #1: So, why are you taking off on Friday?
Office grunt #2: To lay some pipe. ‘Cause layin’ pipe pays more than this job does.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Giggling Silently

Suit: I want to take a personal day on Friday.
Boss: Okay, no problem. What are you doing on your day off?
Suit: I’m not telling you — it’s a personal day!

2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Coworker #1: Artificial insemination?
Coworker #2: That way I could have a kid without whoring myself around as much.


Lady peon, imitating a robot: I love you. I love you, too. We should swap transmission fluids.

135 West 50th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Lowly Human