Time Management

Office grunt #1: So, why are you taking off on Friday?
Office grunt #2: To lay some pipe. ‘Cause layin’ pipe pays more than this job does.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Giggling Silently

Suit: I want to take a personal day on Friday.
Boss: Okay, no problem. What are you doing on your day off?
Suit: I’m not telling you — it’s a personal day!

2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Coworker #1: Artificial insemination?
Coworker #2: That way I could have a kid without whoring myself around as much.


Lady peon, imitating a robot: I love you. I love you, too. We should swap transmission fluids.

135 West 50th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Lowly Human

Cube dweller to another: I have time to beat you, but I don't have time to stop.

Malden, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Dan

Worker: Can I take the rest of the day off?
Boss: LetmethinkaboutthatNo.
Worker: Don’t you want to hear why?
Boss: No.
Worker: Some of the guys are going snowmobiling and I wanted to meet up with them…
Boss: What do you think this is, a resort?
Worker: If it were a resort, I wouldn’t have to leave; there’d be things to do.

900 Simpson Street
Saint Paul, Minnesota

Coworker #1: Our annual report is going to be delivered today. Please let me know when it arrives.
Coworker #2: How often do we get that?

University of Michigan, Ann Arbor

Loner geek, answering phone: The Phoenix rises at 3 pm. (hangs up phone)

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Bec215

Worker #1: Hi, Sally*, my ID has expired. How can I get it renewed?
Worker #2: I suppose the other people on our team will also be expiring soon, too. Do we need to address them now, or should we wait ’til they actually expire also?

55 East Hartland Street
East Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Linda BoBinda

Federal employee to coworker in ladies’ room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?

L’Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Just a contractor