Time Management

9AM Back to Work

Employee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Employee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you’re always late.
Employee #1: No, seriously.
Employee #2: Dude, weren’t you late today? You’re always late on Fridays.
Employee #1: I got here at 8:35 but normally I show up at 9am, so I wasn’t late today.
Employee #2: 8:35 is late. Everyone else shows up at 8.
Employee #1: I have to take my daughter to school so that’s why I’m typically late…but um…her school’s out now for the summer so…yeah, I just forgot to set my alarm.

3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona

9AM Back to Work

Office-wide voicemail from IT person: Attention all H Street associates. The network will be down beginning at 10am…10pm…shit! [Hangs up]

1717 H Street NW
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Hamshank Houghmagandie

3PM Assessing Workflow

Consultant on phone: Is a part of the transition plan cloning yourself?

330 University Avenue
Toronto, Ontario

10AM Compliance Concerns

New training manager: Can’t believe there are so many deliquencies on the video training, when all you have to do is click to open it, and then walk away and do real work.

75 Eastern Point Road
Groton, Connecticut

9AM Back to Work

Coworker on phone: Honest? I am very honest. I am also very loyal to the company I work for. I give 110% to them every day.

Pause

Coworker on phone: Sure, I can interview with you tomorrow morning.

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

Overheard by: El Gee

5PM That’s a Wrap

Employee #1: I don’t believe in God. I believe in ghosts, but not God.
Employee #2: What about aliens?
Employee #1: Oh, totally!
Boss: Don’t you guys have something more important to be doing?
Employee #2: I have about 1,000 other things to do. None of them is more important than this.

2223 East Speedway
Tucson, Arizona

1PM Vacation Memo

Boss: Did I forget to tell you that we will be open this Monday? I decided not to close the office after all.

Employee: For what?

Boss: It’s Labor Day, and I was going to close the office, but decided not to.

Employee: It’s not Labor Day! Memorial Day is this month, but not until the end of the month.

Boss: It says right here on my calendar it’s Labor Day. I thought it was weird that Labor and Memorial Day were in the same month.

Employee: Let me see that calendar. . . Oh, for God’s sakes, do you see that M by the date?

Boss: Ummm, yeah.

Employee: That means Labor Day for Mexico!

Boss: No kidding! Wow, I feel really stupid!

Employee: Yeah, you should! Happy Labor Day, Senorita!

4302 West Crystal Lake Road
McHenry, Illinois

Overheard by: Gramma

10AM Exit Interview

CSR: I feel bad though that I’m leaving — I really like it here.
Manager: Oh, don’t feel bad. We got our money’s worth out of you.
Supervisor: Uh.
Manager: Um, I know, that sounds bad, huh. What I mean is that we, as a company, would much rather hire smart people who leave after two years than stupid people who stay here for, like, forty.
CSR: Thanks?

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

4PM Distribute Handbooks

Receptionist: Hey, did Kevin leave?
Co-worker: No, he’s gone for the day.

16443 Minnesota Avenue
Paramount, California

Overheard by: Stella Bella

4PM Staff Meeting

Manager: We need to be ducked-rowed here as there will be a lot of scrutiny given we’ve had the opportunity to reoutlook the schedule twice now and yet the schedule continues to slip.

229 8th Street SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

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