CFO: Some days I’m amazed at your talent. Other days I just feel like I have forty extra children.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
CFO: Some days I’m amazed at your talent. Other days I just feel like I have forty extra children.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Employee on phone: Wait, let me read you the email he sent out this morning: “Just a reminder that today, like every Friday, is acquittals day. So acquit, acquit, acquit away, and keep the frightening audits at bay.” Yep, poetry…See? This is why I’m leaving.
Elizabeth Street
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Tigertail
Coworker #1: Hey, can you cover my shift next week?
Coworker #2: Why? Where are you going?
Coworker #1: My friend’s boyfriend is graduating from pharmacology school.
Coworker #2: Ew. Who would want to be a farmer?
3900 Hillsboro Road
Nashville, Tennessee
Employee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Employee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you’re always late.
Employee #1: No, seriously.
Employee #2: Dude, weren’t you late today? You’re always late on Fridays.
Employee #1: I got here at 8:35 but normally I show up at 9am, so I wasn’t late today.
Employee #2: 8:35 is late. Everyone else shows up at 8.
Employee #1: I have to take my daughter to school so that’s why I’m typically late…but um…her school’s out now for the summer so…yeah, I just forgot to set my alarm.
3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona
Office-wide voicemail from IT person: Attention all H Street associates. The network will be down beginning at 10am…10pm…shit! [Hangs up]
1717 H Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hamshank Houghmagandie
Consultant on phone: Is a part of the transition plan cloning yourself?
330 University Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
New training manager: Can’t believe there are so many deliquencies on the video training, when all you have to do is click to open it, and then walk away and do real work.
75 Eastern Point Road
Groton, Connecticut
Coworker on phone: Honest? I am very honest. I am also very loyal to the company I work for. I give 110% to them every day.
Pause
Coworker on phone: Sure, I can interview with you tomorrow morning.
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
Employee #1: I don’t believe in God. I believe in ghosts, but not God.
Employee #2: What about aliens?
Employee #1: Oh, totally!
Boss: Don’t you guys have something more important to be doing?
Employee #2: I have about 1,000 other things to do. None of them is more important than this.
2223 East Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
Boss: Did I forget to tell you that we will be open this Monday? I decided not to close the office after all.
Employee: For what?
Boss: It’s Labor Day, and I was going to close the office, but decided not to.
Employee: It’s not Labor Day! Memorial Day is this month, but not until the end of the month.
Boss: It says right here on my calendar it’s Labor Day. I thought it was weird that Labor and Memorial Day were in the same month.
Employee: Let me see that calendar. . . Oh, for God’s sakes, do you see that M by the date?
Boss: Ummm, yeah.
Employee: That means Labor Day for Mexico!
Boss: No kidding! Wow, I feel really stupid!
Employee: Yeah, you should! Happy Labor Day, Senorita!
4302 West Crystal Lake Road
McHenry, Illinois
Overheard by: Gramma
