Time Management

Reporter to another on deadline day: Hey, you wanna go kick each other in the balls and forget it’s Thursday?

81st Street and Harvard Avenue
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: I don’t have balls, but I know the feeling

Boss: So then you and Josh will need to mate together the two documents that you’re sending to customers, and include a note explaining why.
Co-worker: Sounds good. Starting in October, [Nathan] and I will send letters to inform all of our customers about our mating.

9630 S. Norwalk Boulevard
Santa Fe Springs, California

Overheard by: Josh

Broker: I’m going to grab some lunch; if my wife calls, tell her I’m not going down tonight. She’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.

250 West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Guy behind counter on cell: So I’ll be there soon….What’s that sound?….Oh, yeah! I thought I heard a tornado in the background!

Hall’s Archery Range
Manchester, England

Bar patron #1: You gonna have another drink?
Bar patron #2: No, I gotta get home before mid-life.

36th Avenue and Arctic Boulevard
Anchorage, Alaska

Overheard by: thinking it was already too late

Male coworker to female coworker: So, did you have the diarrhea before lunch or after lunch?

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Joel

Woman: Hand me one of those magazines.
Man: Gourmet?
Woman: No.
Man: Newsweek?
Woman: No.
Man: Time?
Woman: No. [Looks at kids’ table.] What about that table over there?
Man: Well, there’s Highlights
Woman: Okay, grab those. [Begins working on puzzles.] What’s hollow — a lute, a sponge, or a jar?
Man: Lute.
Woman: No, sponge.
Man: You can’t see through a sponge.
Teen nearby: Can’t see through a wall, either, and it’s hollow.
Man: True. Got a point there. Must be a sponge.
Woman: Okay, it’s a sponge.

Waiting area, Forensic and Mental Health Services
Hamilton, Ohio

Overheard by: Kim

Lowly assistant: We are supposed to have our monthly, quarterly, and annual goals prepared for Tuesday’s meeting.
Lawyer: Really? Tell the office manager to send me everyone else’s goals.
Office manager: I probably won’t have them before the meeting.
Lawyer: But I don’t know what my goals are.

1500 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: It’s Comcastic

Employee #1: So, if it’s 7:11 now, and I have a 30 minute break, what time do I have to be back?
Employee #2: Uh, 7:41.
Employee #1: How did you figure that out so fast?

Huron Road
Cleveland, Ohio

Marketing director: Eighty percent of what we do is called ‘wasting time.’

Massachusetts Avenue NE
Washington, DC