Hipster: Making out is my Viagra.
School of Management Office
University of Massachusetts
Hipster: Making out is my Viagra.
School of Management Office
University of Massachusetts
Sales guy #1: What’s going on in the break room?
Sales guy #2: What? Why do you ask?
Sales guy #1: The door is closed.
Sales guy #2: Well, someone’s getting their butt chewed out or they’ve got cake in there! It’s one or the other!
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Little girl: We’re going to the three floor.
Mom: The third floor.
Little girl: Third floor. Mommy, what’s on the third floor?
Mom: The cafeteria. I’m gonna see if they can get you a salad instead of the crap you eat.
[doors open, they get off and start walking away.]Little girl: I eat chocolate two times every day, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Duncan
Professor: So, you know how if you feed your sister-in-law’s kid a lot of sugar and caffeine, and he gets all crazy-like and runs around screaming? Well, that’s like exciting the molecule. And after a while, the excitement dies down, and he hits something. Like a wall. And if you’re lucky, he vomits. Fluorescence is the vomit of molecule excitation.
High Point University
High Point, North Carolina
Overheard by: This is what we’re teaching the leaders of tomorrow?
Client: I never smoked a cigarette a day in my life!
Assistant: Well, you’re just a regular choirboy!
Client: Smoked a kilo of dope — didn’t see a need for cigarettes!
Real estate office
Texas
Female peon to another: My roommate wants me to do laundry, but I don’t know when I can do it. I’m too hung over on Saturday morning, and I have Bible study Sunday morning.
Studio City, California
Large, bearded interviewee: … And I have to tell you that I do smoke pot… But I used to do construction, and I was high the whole time I did that, and that’s a lot more dangerous than this.
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: curtis
Female student #1: I dunno — maybe I should give up drinking.
Female student #2: That’s never a good idea.
Female student #1: It’s just that I’m older, y’know? The drinking scene is so played…
Male student, joining them minutes later: So, what are you guys doing this weekend?
Female student #1: Getting fucking hammered.
Female student #2: What happened to giving up drinking?
Female student #1: Oh, please, that was so two minutes ago.
University Avenue
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: the iPod was just a front
Ghetto customer: My daiquiri tastes like water.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir. What may I bring you instead?
Ghetto customer: Water.
Dulaney Valley Road
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: shaking my head
Jittery editor, using nicotine inhaler: This thing is great. It really works.
Reporter: How long has it been since your last cigarette?
Jittery editor: Oh, I’m still smoking, too.
400 East Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
