HR #1: She said she’s going to be on it for life! What kind of doctor gives you Valium for life?
Accountant: A good one!
HR #1: And what doctor would mix Valium, Vicodin, and Demerol?
HR #2: What’s this doctor’s name, again?
1776 Main Street
Springfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ribbon
Co-worker #1: I’m really tired this morning.
Co-worker #2: Why don’t you try Red Bull?
Co-worker #1: That stuff doesn’t work for me.
Co-worker #2: Well, have you ever tried it without the vodka?
2783 Lancashire Road
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Office worker #1: Coffee, coffee, coffee…I love coffee…Here goes down…down in to my belly. Coffee is the greatest drug ever.
Office worker #2: Seriously, especially since you don’t get fat because it doesn’t give you the munchies…I need to drink more coffee.
Office worker #1: Yeah, you do.
9785 Towne Centre Drive
San Diego, California
Co-worker: I slept like a crack baby last night.
1 California Street
San Francisco, Califrornia
Office monkey #1: Bro, this job is like motherfucking cocaine!
Office monkey #2: How’s that?
Office monkey #1: It seems fun at first but then it fucks your asshole raw.
1211 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Building service: Coffee’s shit, man.
White collar: Yeah. Gotta work, though.
The building service person snorts an imaginary line from the countertop.
Building service: Dat’s da shit you need, man. Coke id up.
1114 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Producer: Sorry I couldn’t make your screening, but as you heard I was
drunk and asleep even by the time your call came around.
12 West 27th Street
New York, NY
Matthew McConaughey’s mother: I wish you were Woody Harrelson. He always has better pot than you.
Patrick McConaughey: I fucking hate you too, mom. [out the window] Hey babe… don’t you know who I am?
Matthew: You people bring me down.
Backseat of the car I was driving
Austin, Texas
20-ish female coworker: I’ve never understood why people do lines of coke off of toilet seats at clubs.
Middle-aged male coworker: Well, it’s not as wet as the sink…
20-ish female coworker: But isn’t that dirty?
Middle-aged male coworker: No one ever poops at a club.
1054 31st Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I prefer a table
Manager: Did you see the game last night?
Coordinator: I was drunk. [Takes bite of Oreo.]Manager: Huh?
Coordinator: Yeah, I’m drunk every day. S’matter of fact, I’m drunk right now!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
