Tech #1: So, my friend is going to ask his girlfriend to marry him, and he wants to secretly get her ring size.
Tech #2: Measure her finger while she’s asleep.
Tech #1: What if she doesn’t sleep very soundly? What if she wakes up and is like, ‘What’s this thing on my finger?’
Tech #2: Get her really hammered.
Tech #1: She doesn’t really drink…
Tech #3: Then just hammer her!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: only girl in the office
Worker: [Jeff] didn’t come in because he has pneumonia. We went to the hospital yesterday.
Manager: Ever since you and [Jeff] started dating he’s begun falling apart. Now he’s got pneumonia. That’s what drugs will do to you; lower your immune system.
Worker: That couldn’t have been it…It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve taken ecstacy.
7350 S. Tamiami Trail
Sarasota, Florida
Intern: They didn’t have Guinness, so we had pure Jameson and Bailey shots.
Manager: Oh, well.
Intern: Laced with something else.
Associate: PCP?
Intern: Who knows?
Manager: Could it have been PCP?
Intern: It tasted awfully sweet.
10 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY
Overheard by: pixelvisions
Programming #1: I totally didn’t realize he was holding a bong.
Programming #2: That explains why the smores thing was funny.
11951 Freedom Drive
Reston, Virginia
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, girl scout cookies should so be illegal.
Co-worker #2: Yes…I have five boxes on my desk as we speak!
Co-worker #1: At least with crack you lose a lot of weight.
Wichita, Kansas
Boss: We should become alcoholics. That would make work so much easier.
Employee: That bottle of Bailey’s in my filing cabinet only lasted me a week and a half.
Boss: You had Bailey’s?
Employee: Ummm, no.
Lake Shore Drive
Columbus, Ohio
Employee to another, arranging pretzels on display: You know, you're supposed to hang these straight, but if you hang them crooked they are more tantalizing….tantalizing like crack.
Birmingham, Alabama
Coworker, on taking kids to get flu shots: When I took them, they were great. They only cried a little. My daughter said, “daddy, I feel safer doing shots with you.”
Grapevine, Texas
Boss #1: We can use [Derek] as our field supervisor; he knows how to do the work.
Boss #2: Is he still a drunk?
Boss #1: Yeah. His wife left him.
Boss #2: He has always been a drinker.
Boss #1: So we’ll put him in charge of everything and he can run the crews. We’ll pay his expenses and give him the company truck.
Boss #2: Okay. Sounds good to me. Maybe stuff will start getting done now.
8221 NW Expressway Street
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Employee #1: There’s a drunk guy outside who wants to know if we’re hiring any laborers.
Employee #2: Does he have a valid driver’s license?
1201 Yorkship Square
Camden, New Jersey
