Teacher: Fix the photocopier, it’s not working.
Secretary: What did you do to it?
Teacher: Nothing, it’s just jammed, unjam it.
Secretary: Oh my god, what is that smell…what did you do?
Teacher: Nothing.
Secretary: Did you put transparencies in here? Oh my god, you did! Dude! You can’t do that! They’ll melt! This is a colour photocopier.
Teacher: I wanted colour transparencies.
Secretary: You are so demoted to mimeograph!
557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
20-something woman: Just when I get my desk cleaned up, someone comes and dumps a pile of bras on it.
36th Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Co-Worker #1: Kids are just a built in excuse to call in sick. If Carl* can call in because his kid is sick, I should be able to call in sick because I’m hungover.
Co-Worker #2: Wouldn’t that be every day then?
Co-Worker #1: No, I mean too hungover to work.
Highways 7 and 78
Independence, Missouri
Overheard by: steak of life
Area Manager: We will need to open an investigation into this and see what happened.
Superintendent: I’ll tell you what happened: he fucked up!
Area Manager: Well, I didn’t say it needed to be a long investigation.
128 Spring Street
Ypsilanti, Michigan
Manager: I can't take any time off between jobs, with what my wife spends. I have to jump on the next job before she empties out our bank account.
Raritan, New Jersey
Manager: I hate it when black people make a big deal about being black when they accept awards. It’s like the Holocaust; they have to get over it.
4189 Route 9
Freehold, New Jersey
Overheard by: Robert Max Freeman
Intern #1: I walk funny in high heels.
Intern #2: Everyone looks retarded in heels.
200 Orange Street
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Samurai Jacqueline
Professor: Given the above table, who thinks penguin milk has less fat than seal milk?
Half the class raises their hands.
Professor: How many think penguin milk has more fat than seal milk?
Other half raises their hands.
Professor to TA: This is a bad sign.
UC Davis
Davis, California
Overheard by: someone easily tricked at 8am sans coffee
Co-worker: That must be why I haven’t been getting any sleep; I moved back to my own desk!
856 William Hilton Parkway
Hilton Head Island, South Carolina
Customer: I don’t understand why you can’t keep up with production.
Program manager: You aren’t following the rules. You are running twice the daily quoted volumes.
Customer: But we are still under the yearly volumes. You just need to plan better.
Program manager: I can’t just shit capacity out of my ass!
5540 Parque Industrial
Ciudad Juarez, Mexico
