Coworker, on taking kids to get flu shots: When I took them, they were great. They only cried a little. My daughter said, “daddy, I feel safer doing shots with you.”
Grapevine, Texas
Coworker, on taking kids to get flu shots: When I took them, they were great. They only cried a little. My daughter said, “daddy, I feel safer doing shots with you.”
Grapevine, Texas
Female coworker: Hey there, sweetie. Did you have fun yesterday?
Male coworker: Huh?
Female coworker: You had the day off, didn't you?
Male coworker: I was at a funeral. My grandmother died.
Westlake
Seattle, Washington
Secretary: So, what's her husband like?
Manager: Oh, he's kind of like Mr Bean…you think he may be slightly autistic but he's still really sexually attractive.
Secretary: Uhh…
Office
Sydney
Australia
Woman: I’d like to pay my cell phone bill, but it’s in my son’s name and I don’t have the password to see it online. So, I need to know how much it is.
Employee: You can’t pay it without his authorization. I can’t tell you how much it is.
Woman: He can’t authorize anything, he’s incarcerated.
Employee: Well, we’ll need a copy of the obituary or the death certificate.
Woman: What? He’s incarcerated! [pause] He’s in jail.
Employee: Oh.
Frederick, Maryland
Gay coworker to straight coworker: Hey, look, it's my work husband–love you!
Columbia, Pennsylvania
Female coworker who never shuts up: I woke up at 9:55 am. Soon as I woke up, I looked at my husband and he looked at me. I said, “did I tell you about the hallway skeleton?” He starting laughing, and I said “it's amazing.” He said, “not now.”
Dublin, Ohio
Co-worker #1: Hey, tell them that story you were telling me the other day. The one about Burger King.
Co-worker #2: What story about Burger King?
Co-worker #1: You know…you were with your dad or your father-in-law…
Co-worker #2: The story where my father had a heart attack because of a Burger King sandwich?
Co-worker #1: …Yeah.
Co-worker #2: That’s the story.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
30-year old accounting manager to 23-year old employee: So, my mom has a crush on you after seeing your picture on my Facebook profile.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Cougar Bait
EA: …she’s still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it’s been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can’t admit to himself that this happened. All he’s said is, “I sent you to private school! Don’t they have sex ed there?” and “How could this happen?” Which doesn’t help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It’s like, “Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip.” But, well, she’s the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don’t. I never met mine.
40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS
Boss: You're not making up this crap about your grandmother dying, are you?
Analyst: No, do I have to prove it to you?
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Steve
