Customer: What movie starts next?
Box office girl: That would be Keeping up with the Steins, at 11:55.
Customer: And what’s that about?
Box office girl: I believe family problems around the time of the kid’s bar mitzvah.
Manager [under her breath]: It’s about Jewish people, duh.
Customer: Two for X-Men, please.
510 North Orlando Avenue
Winter Park, Florida
Adjuster to claimant driver, attempting to take a recorded statement: Well, I hope you're not going to die anytime soon because I have a lot of important questions I need to ask you.
Brentwood, Tennessee
Overheard by: Missing that page in my training manual
Office guy on the phone: Nice. So you sleep in the nude. Not bad for a Republican.
Government Office
Washington, DC
Office girl: I mean, he doesn't even know me. For all he knows, I could be a crazy bitch. I could ruin his life!
Winchester, Virginia
Cube chick: You should go in Jeff’s office -it is so cold in there you could hang meat.
Cube dude: I hang meat everywhere I go.
Dallas, Texas
Assistant: Can I go home sick?
Boss: Why?
Assistant: I ate too much gum.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: OMG
Woman in lobby: I don't like 'em runny. I like 'em nice and stiff.
Horsham, Pennsylvania
Employee #1: How do you tell the man you're going to marry that they are letting themselves go, and you're not sexually attracted to them anymore?
Employee #2: Leave them for a woman…
Employee #1: What!? I'm not a muff diver!
Employee #2: We can teach you.
Pullman, Washington
Boss: Does anyone have a stapler?
Peon: No, but we have hope!
Chicago, Illinois
Barista: What can I get you, sir?
Customer: I'll have a grande toffee…
Barista: I'm sorry, sir, we do not have any toffee items in the shop any more.
Customer: Then I'll just have a large broken dream.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
