Worker: *Liam was great, I didn’t want any fucking sympathy and he just got on it with it. I hated my fucking father anyway.
Co-worker: Good.
Worker: I mean I only went to his fucking funeral to make sure the cunt was dead… And to spit on his grave. You know? But *Alan got two and a half days for his fucking mother in law.
Co-worker: Yeah?
Worker: Yeah. I mean I hated the bastard but I still get my three days right?
Co-worker: Right.
DWP
Bathgate
Scotland
Older gentleman in response to memo on sexual harassment: In this office we don’t have sexual harassment, we just have sex!
Seguin, Texas
Interviewer: I’m sorry. From my conversation with your former supervisor I expected you to be a man!
Interviewee: I’m a girl! I’ll show you!
Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
Man at DMV: Man, just take me to jail anyway, I heard you guys serve people Denny's.
Los Angeles, California
Woman #1: Heard from your old high school boyfriend lately?
Woman #2: No. He’s traveling. Moving to Florida. Wife number three.
Woman #1: Would you nail him again?
Woman #2: In a heartbeat. Best in oral sex, hands down.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Makin’ Copies
Know-it-all peon: I swear, every invention in this world was invented for war. Highways, the Internet — everything! Don’t you read?
Lady peon: Okay, Eric*! What about perms? Hot rollers weren’t made for war!
Know-it-all peon: Perms aren’t inventions.
Lady peon: My ass, they aren’t!
Waterloo, Iowa
Newbie: So Diane* is the one with dirty blonde hair?
Seasoned worker: I don't think they like the term “dirty.”
Newbie: Oh yeah, my girlfriend kinda likes being called “dirty.”
Seasoned worker: I meant the hair color.
Newbie: I know!
Inverness Work Plex
Denver, Colorado
Senior editor: I know! I could sue the company. I injured my toenail at a company event. What do you think loss of a toenail is worth?
Writer: I don't know. See what they're selling for on eBay.
Renton, Washington
Guy, coming out of the men’s room: Wait. Someone actually stole the posters… from around the urinal?
Comic book guy: Don’t ask me to explain it.
Guy: Were they unfamiliar with the concept of nerd hygiene?
Broadway
New York City, New York
Female coworker #1: I’m sure *Mark hates being the only guy on these smoke breaks; especially when we start talking about our vagina issues.
Female coworker #2: That’s how I feel when y’all talk about football. Football is my vagina.
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
