55-year-old post-menopausal help desk woman: I used to have naughty dreams about Simon & Simon, back in the day.
Glen Hendren Drive
Liberty, Missouri
Overheard by: RickyB
Security guy: I could be an officer, you know.
Sarge: Oh, shut the fuck up.
Security guy: No, really. It’s just politics stopping me! Just politics!
Sarge: Oh, is Rudy fucking Giuliani preventing you from becoming a police officer? Why don’t you fucking explain that to all of us?
Public Safety
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Shaye
Woman #1: So he called me his ex’s name during a fight last night.
Woman #2: I hate it when that happens.
Woman #1: I don’t really care… As long as it doesn’t happen during sex… But then it hardly lasts long enough for him to say any name, let alone the wrong one.
Microsoft Way
Redmond, Washington
Overheard by: ouch!
Older female accountant: You’re looking more like Burt Reynolds each day.
Younger male accountant: He’s old, what are you saying?
Older female accountant: No, like… In a good way… When he was sexy and young.
Younger male accountant: (silence)
Older female accountant: I should get back to work.
Independence, Ohio
Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What’s your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn’t come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!
Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
Nurse: It didn’t hurt my tongue when they pierced it–just that first pop.
Tech: Ooooh, my asshole just puckered up!
Receptionist: Quit talking about tongues and assholes!
Front Desk, Medical Clinic
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: xrayguy
Tech worker: Are you seriously saying that eight inches is not a big dump?
Willow
Lansing, Michigan
Admin: Here’s your new door tag.
Advisor: “Stud serv prog coord”? That’s my new title?
Admin: Well, it’s abbreviated.
Advisor: Can we make the text smaller so it’s not abbreviated?
Admin: Why? You don’t want to be a stud service?
Advisor: I’m afraid they wouldn’t get their money’s worth.
Lake Road
Merced, California
Overheard by: sooo true.
Man in lift: How are you, Susan*?
Woman: Radiant, *Stuart.
Government Office
London
England
Coworker #1: I don’t have a wardrobe.
Coworker #2: Why not?
Coworker #1: I just don’t like them.
Coworker #2: Well, where do you keep your suit?
Coworker #1: Well… that’s a good question, where is actually my suit?
Yorkshire
England
