Beastly employee: That reminds me of when I was skinny. I was smoking. With my thigh-high boots.
Pretty employee: Mmmm… cool.
Beastly employee: I won’t ever wear them again. I am too fat. I will bring them in for you.
Pretty employee, unhappily: Ummmm… ok.
Passerby employee to pretty employee, sympathetically: The boots went up to her camel toe… I’m sorry.
Hawthorne, New York
Overheard by: I have my own office
Coworker on phone: The baby was born retarded because her mother was a vegetarian. Thankfully the good Lord took her away.
Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Office lady #1: And I was like “Hmmmmmmmm… Ya, not sure how Karen* feels about the whole not-being-friends thing. No offense, but we don't ever talk about you.”
Office lady #2: She missed me putting up with her shit?
Office lady #1: And I don't talk to her about you.
Office lady #2: Do it! I don't care! You can tell her that I think she is so full of shit she should be an overflowing outhouse.
Office lady #1, laughing: You know me, I would never do that!
Office lady #2: The only difference between her and the overflowing outhouse is that I'd shit on her.
Calgary
Canadia
White grunt #1: I’m going to the deli. You guys want anything?
Black grunt: I’ll wait till lunch.
White grunt #2: Can you spot me a cup of coffee? This time with cream and sugar?
White grunt #1: I thought you were a black man.
White grunt #2: I am a black man.
Black grunt: Shit.
New York, New York
Anchor #1 to anchor #2: Hey, I won't be able to anchor the 5 pm news with you. I'm going to cover the hoes on Ridgeway Street.
Jackson, Mississippi
Female coworker #1: I just tried to call him, but he didn't pick up! God, he never picks up.
Female coworker #2: But you've been going through his e-mail, right?
Female coworker #1: Yes! Like every day!
Manhattan, New York
Employee #1: You have a cute belly button.
Employee #2: Yeah, I know, but there's stuff in it. I am going to dig it out with a paper clip.
Employee #1: Ill.
Employee #2: Look at it!
Employee #1: Gross! Does it smell?
Lancaster, California
Asian guy: Hey, look! A butterfly!
White guy: Why don’t you go catch it? That’s what Asians do.
Asian guy: No, we catch flies.
White guy: With fucking chopsticks?
Asian guy: Yeah, but if you give me two cigarettes I could probably use those.
Parkland Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Gloria
Puzzled drone: is Chuck E. Cheese BYOB?
Whitehouse Station, New Jersey
Overheard by: Justin
Female employee, in front of doorway: Why are some really big and others small?
Male employee: Dunno, seems like it was meant to be.
United Way
South Florida
