Large lesbo on cell: What’s new with me? Oh, nothing too much. Oh wait — yeah, I got a new dog! Yeah, another one. Well, my neighbor was killed in a murder-suicide with her boyfriend, so the dog had post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, it’s a Irish Settler. It’s pretty cute… A little overweight, though. Besides that, not too much. You know me — work, work, work.
Marriot Hotel Concierge VIP room
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Miguelito Morrison
Foreman: This must be a timer problem.
Electrician: Think so? Why?
Foreman: It happens all the time.
1050 Park Road South
Oshawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: william waite
Girl: So, I just had my exit interview with HR and they were all like, “Be honest, why did you just up and quit out of nowhere?”
Guy: Did you tell them the truth?
Girl: I told them that I was in love with you, and that the sexual tension and frustration was creating a poor work environment for me.
Guy: So then you did tell the truth.
Route 1 South
West Windsor, New Jersey
Coworker: I love that movie Dazed and Confused! It’s one of those that you don’t have to be smart to enjoy.
1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Jayce
Newbie: It's been a long day. A long week, actually.
Senior: It's been a long eight years for me.
Newbie: Wow. How are you still alive?
Senior: I don't know. I'm a soul survivor.
Newbie: Like that Rolling Stones song? Did they write that after you?
Senior: Yep. I'm the only one who can survive in this place.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Office girl #1: She couldn’t find my cervix. My cervix!
Office girl #2: You do know everyone can hear you, right?
Office girl #1: No, no, wait — she found it, she just couldn’t see it!
43rd Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Co-worker #1: I finally found that fax you were looking for.
Co-worker #2: Great where was it?
Co-worker #1: On this 3×4 pink message pad. It was a phone message you freak.
30 Riverview Park
Red Deer, Alberta
Canadia
Worker bee #1: I’ve never had a Hungry Man meal before.
Worker bee #2: It’s not bad. Just don’t pretend you’re eating real food.
Austin, Texas
Co-worker #1: Where is the copy paper?
Co-worker #2: Office Depot.
5201 Ravenswood Road
Dania Beach, Florida
Worker #1: When do you leave for the trip?
Worker #2: In about 20 minutes.
Worker #1: Well, are you jizzed?
Worker #2: What?
Worker #1: Jizzed. You know, excited!
Worker #2: Uh, sure.
Red Run Boulevard
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: Matt
