Asian girl: I only know his size in millimeters -it’s 245.
Shoe store clerk: I won’t be able to help you, we only have American sizes and centipedes.
Asian girl: Ok, Einstein. Give me a 24.5 centipede.
Potomac Mills
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Steve
Coworker #1: How’s the weather outside?
Coworker #2: Pretty good, it’s like getting spit on.
Brooklyn Army Terminal
Brooklyn, New York
Accountant: Why did you switch from coffee to green tea?
Analyst: Tea is easier on my throat and it has more antioxidants.
Accountant: What are antioxidants?
Analyst: They keep me from having oxidants…Come on! That’s funny, dammit!
100 East Rivercenter Boulevard
Covington, Kentucky
Sales: I am so cranky today. I must be getting my period.
Co-worker #1: Again? You just had it last week.
Sales: Yeah. The PMS starts every week Monday and ends on Friday.
Co-worker #2: That’s not PMS, that’s menopause.
11694 Lackland Road
St. Louis, Missouri
Branch manager: I really wish we had a color printer up here!
Personal banker: Well, you know what? We don't! So why don't you take out the trash!
Conway, Arkansas
Overheard by: Brynn
Attorney: I’m so pregnant… My husband always says, ‘Honey, you’re a whale!’ And then I tell him, ‘Shut up! You’re an immigrant!’
Admin: You should really stop saying that to him.
Attorney: Well, he is, and it’s a term of endearment! Like when I call you a dirty whore!
Hackensack, New Jersey
Co-Worker: If you’re happy and you know it…?
Co-Worker’s 2-year-old daughter: …don’t touch a knife!
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: manda b
Office drone #1: Yeah, I was totally born only five minutes after midnight.
Office drone #2: That's so much better than me, in the afternoon. Afternoon is boring. Hey boss, what time you were born?
Manager: Probably when angels started crying? How the fuck should I know? I wasn't born with a watch and cognitive thinking.
Columbus, Ohio
Female coworker to male coworker rolling sleeves near window: What are you, He-Man?
Male coworker: I'm fucking tanning, you asshole!
Plainville, Connecticut
A customer is on speakerphone.
Customer: Which one is the spacebar?
Co-worker: How can you not know where the spacebar is?
Customer: I’m not good with computers.
Co-worker: But you’ve used a typewriter before, haven’t you?
Customer: Yeah, so?
460 Hillside Avenue
Needham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S. Griffin
