Time Management

Woman #1: Maybe it fell out because her vagina had no…tone.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #3: Right, no Kegel’s.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Right, you are supposed to do Kegel’s all day.
Woman #2: Since when?
Woman #1: From when you are 20. Or have a lot of sex.
Woman #3: I’d rather have a lot of sex than do Kegel’s, but I do them, too.
Woman #2: What? My vagina is fine without either one. Don’t tell my husband that, either.
Woman #3: You’ll be sorry when you are older.
Woman #1: You never did Kegel’s? We used to have contests at my other job.

Only man in the meeting walks in.

Woman #2: Well! What do men have to do?
Woman #3, smiling sweetly: Nothing. Men are perfect.

Bergen County, New Jersey

Co-worker #1: Hey, what did you last night?
Co-worker #2: I wanted to watch Joey last night but the President was on. Every time I turn on the TV anymore, it’s hurricane this and hurricane that. Makes me wish the hurricane never happened!
Co-worker #1: …I think Joey was on later in the night.
Co-worker #2: Damn it!

500 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado

Product Manager #1: It’s Spring Break.
Product Manager #2: How come we don’t get Spring Break?
Intern #1: Because you’re no longer young.
Intern #2: Or pretty.

777 4th Street
Los Angeles, California

Customer: You mean you don’t have any wheelchair seats left for that matinee?
Assistant manager: No ma’am. We have a lot of senior citizen groups that come to matinees and they tend to fill up our wheelchair seats.
Customer: Well, I would say put me and my husband in two regular seats, but he doesn’t have any legs!
Husband: It’s true, I don’t have any legs!
Assistant manager: Ummm, ok. Let me see what I can do for you.

Shenandoah University Theatre ticket office
Winchester, Virginia

Overheard by: Jennifer Ellerbe

Admin, screaming into phone: What do you want me to do? I can't do this now, I'm at work! (pause) Well, I can't deal with this now, I'm working! I don't know what to tell you! (pause) I don't have any damn money!! I spent all my money on that private investigator! (pause) I can't do this now, I'm at work!
Boss: Sarah, in my office now.
Admin: I have to go, my boss needs me.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: Jeremy Hawn

Secretary: Hey, I haven’t seen you for a while. You been on vacation?
Associate: No, I’ve been here.
Secretary: I just love running into you. You look just like that guy from Whose Line Is It Anyway. That black guy…What’s his name?
Associate: Oh, really? No one’s ever told me that before.
Secretary: It’s ok, right? Because he’s my favorite.

1425 K Street NW
Washington DC

Overheard by: callmeahab

Man smoking outside office door: What year is this anyway? It’s 2006, isn’t it?

Goswell Road
London
England

Overheard by: Ava

Co-worker #1: I heard that the wood plant is going to take a floating holiday and shut down for opening day of hunting season.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, kind of like IT’s unofficial holiday for opening day of Star Wars.

901 44th Street SE
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Wishful thinking peon on phone: Yes, I can meet with this Simon guy. It’s not that Simon from American Idol, is it? Oh? That’s too bad… I guess I’ll still meet with him, though.

111 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Hear No Evil

Woman #1, waiting for elevator: We should really take the stairs.
Woman #2: Yeah. I've been trying to take the stairs more.
(they proceed to wait another three minutes, until elevator finally comes)

Toronto
Ontario
Canadia