Web developer: That doesn’t count.
Web designer: Neither can your mum.
Web developer: Yeah — I guess it really hampered her 25-year career as a bookkeeper.
Web designer: What sort of books did she keep?
104-108 Dover Street
Richmond Victoria
Australia
Employee #1: Who’s that new blonde girl that works here?
Employee #2: Which new blonde girl? That doesn’t narrow it down.
Employee #1: You know, the… the slow one. She sounds kind of retarded when she talks.
Employee #2: Kelly*? She’s not retarded, you jerk — she’s from Sweden. English isn’t her first language.
Boston Post Road
Sudbury, Massachusetts
Overheard by: slurific
Employee #1, 45 minutes after asked to perform simple task: Here are those documents you wanted. All the copies are underneath the one that’s on top of it.
Employee #2: Listen, shitbag — I was actually hoping to go to lunch today, so spare me the retard explanations, please! [To another employee] Do we have an ODP employee section we could put her in?
Employee #3: Nah. We’re still just using that dumpster out front.
132 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Worker #1: This information she sent me isn’t right at all. It says ‘GMT,’ but there’s too many time zones.
Worker #2: GMT is General Mountain Time.
Worker #1: I know that already. I’m going to call her now to show her how wrong she is.
Worker #3: Get off the phone before you make an ass of yourself. Didn’t either of you ever hear of Greenwich Mean Time?
Worker #2: I guess we’re not as sophisticated as you.
Worker #3: Sophisticated? Most grade schoolers know that.
Worker #1, hanging up phone: You remind me of my ex.
Worker #3: If he had to put up with nonsense like that, I understand why he left.
Worker #1: I left him; he didn’t leave me.
Worker #3: Is he grateful for this?
Worker #1: You make me sick.
Worker #3: Was it something I said?
500 West Cummings Park
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Charlise
Cube monkey #1: It’s not like there are a lot of straight people at this office to sleep with.
Cube monkey #2: You could sleep with the IT guy — Harold*.
Cube monkey #1: Ew, he’s a whore. I don’t want to get crotch rot.
Cube monkey #2: What on earth is crotch rot? I’ve never heard of that.
Cube monkey #3: Not only have I heard of it, I have smelled it!
731 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Anna
Clerk: God, why is that old man so angry?
Manager: Give him a break. How many more times is he going to be buying new shoes? He’ll probably be buried in these.
Old crab, from across room: I’m not deaf, you bitches!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Call center agent: I’m sorry, but for international calls, you’ll have to contact your zero operator for information.
Customer: You can’t help me?
Call center agent: No, I only provide listings in North America.
Customer: What?
Call center agent: I am a 4-1-1 operator. You need the zero operator.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Call center agent, sighing: The zero operator can help you. I cannot.
Customer: So you’re useless?
Call center agent: In this case, I am completely useless to you, yes.
Customer, to friend in same room: Hahahaha! She admitted she was useless!
Call center agent: [Slooow exhale.]
Kitchener, Ontario
Canadia
Overworked CSR: Sir, at any point in our conversation today did I provide you with my name?
Customer: No.
Overworked CSR: Good — fuck you [hangs up].
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Admin: Well, when you feel better we have to talk. We have to make sure everyone knows that my job is so important.
Manager, sighing: Yes, Terri*, we’ve had this conversation. It’s not good to be so needy or crave so much recognition.
Admin: I have so much to offer! So many people are doing double work!
Manager: Cheer down, girlfriend. No one really cares.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Lady worker: He’s the type of person that stands outside when it’s raining to see if it’s wet enough!
Commerce Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: pedestrian
