Co-worker #1: You’re wearing socks with sandals.
Co-worker #2: So?
Co-worker #1: You’re lucky I’m even talking to you.
Decatur Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Co-worker #1: You’re wearing socks with sandals.
Co-worker #2: So?
Co-worker #1: You’re lucky I’m even talking to you.
Decatur Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Male peon: I hope you locked the door. If you didn’t, some hobo is gonna use my car as his bathroom.
Lady peon: You’re a hobo’s bathroom!
1255 Hempstead Turnpike
Uniondale, New York
Overheard by: glad i keep my doors locked
Receptionist to another: I said, ‘I don’t care that you care that I think you’re an asshole,’ but maybe I do.
Capitol Highway
Portland, Oregon
Employee: Uhhh, I got a job offer from another company… And I want to quit…
Boss: What?! How much did they offer you?!
Employee: Ummm, two times more than I get here.
Boss: Did you tell them that you’re a slacker?
Employee: Nope, but I told ’em that you appreciate my work so much that you wanted to raise my salary two times.
Boss: Bullshit! Give me their phone number and I’ll tell them the truth about you! And also, you’re fired!
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: jullylully
Homeboy customer: Yo, gots any mothafuckin’ shelves?
Employee: Did he just say what I thought he said? [Coworker nods.]Homeboy customer: Yo, man! I said, I need some mothafuckin’ shelves fo’ my mothafuckin’ clothes!
Employee, pointing: Yeah, right down that mothafuckin’ aisle.
Home repair store
Whitehall, Pennsylvania
CSR #1: I just want to know what is expected of us!
CSR #2, walking away: What is expected of us is that you suck, and I don’t, so there!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Web developer: That doesn’t count.
Web designer: Neither can your mum.
Web developer: Yeah — I guess it really hampered her 25-year career as a bookkeeper.
Web designer: What sort of books did she keep?
104-108 Dover Street
Richmond Victoria
Australia
Employee #1: Who’s that new blonde girl that works here?
Employee #2: Which new blonde girl? That doesn’t narrow it down.
Employee #1: You know, the… the slow one. She sounds kind of retarded when she talks.
Employee #2: Kelly*? She’s not retarded, you jerk — she’s from Sweden. English isn’t her first language.
Boston Post Road
Sudbury, Massachusetts
Overheard by: slurific
Employee #1, 45 minutes after asked to perform simple task: Here are those documents you wanted. All the copies are underneath the one that’s on top of it.
Employee #2: Listen, shitbag — I was actually hoping to go to lunch today, so spare me the retard explanations, please! [To another employee] Do we have an ODP employee section we could put her in?
Employee #3: Nah. We’re still just using that dumpster out front.
132 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Worker #1: This information she sent me isn’t right at all. It says ‘GMT,’ but there’s too many time zones.
Worker #2: GMT is General Mountain Time.
Worker #1: I know that already. I’m going to call her now to show her how wrong she is.
Worker #3: Get off the phone before you make an ass of yourself. Didn’t either of you ever hear of Greenwich Mean Time?
Worker #2: I guess we’re not as sophisticated as you.
Worker #3: Sophisticated? Most grade schoolers know that.
Worker #1, hanging up phone: You remind me of my ex.
Worker #3: If he had to put up with nonsense like that, I understand why he left.
Worker #1: I left him; he didn’t leave me.
Worker #3: Is he grateful for this?
Worker #1: You make me sick.
Worker #3: Was it something I said?
500 West Cummings Park
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Charlise
