Insults

Female staff: Oh man, I’m so into “America’s Next Top Model.” You know that show.
Male staff: Oh yes. Good quality programming.
Female staff: They were having this marathon on VH1 this weekend, like the whole last season all at once. I got so hooked. But I missed the last two or three episodes, so I don’t know who won it.
Male staff: That’s awful. You really don’t know? That was last season.
Female staff: No, I didn’t see the last few episodes.
Male staff: You mean to tell me that you don’t know who won last season’s “America’s Next Top Model”?
Female staff: I didn’t see the last episode?
Male staff: But you don’t recognize her from all of the glamorous advertisements and runway shows she’s been doing?
Female staff: Well, no, I… Oh. You’re being sarcastic.
Male staff: For minutes now.

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Worker bee #1: Hey, did you notice Claire* doesn’t wear that green suit thing anymore?
Worker bee #2: No, I think she realized people were calling her Shrek.
Worker bee #1: [after a pause.] yeah… Yeah I can see that actually.

Civic Drive
Greensborough
Australia

Overheard by: it’s so true

Software programmer, rapping while coding: Encrypt that shit! Encrypt that shit! Keep those bitches out of our shit!

Peachtree Road
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Chris

Man: Is Murphy* a man? Or a woman?
Woman: Does it matter?
Man: Um yeah. I was going to ask Terry out, and the shape of his? Her? Genitals rather matters to me.
Woman: Bigot.

Church in Victoria
British Columbia
Canadia

Co-worker #1: You’re wearing socks with sandals.
Co-worker #2: So?
Co-worker #1: You’re lucky I’m even talking to you.

Decatur Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Male peon: I hope you locked the door. If you didn’t, some hobo is gonna use my car as his bathroom.
Lady peon: You’re a hobo’s bathroom!

1255 Hempstead Turnpike
Uniondale, New York

Overheard by: glad i keep my doors locked

Receptionist to another: I said, ‘I don’t care that you care that I think you’re an asshole,’ but maybe I do.

Capitol Highway
Portland, Oregon

Employee: Uhhh, I got a job offer from another company… And I want to quit…
Boss: What?! How much did they offer you?!
Employee: Ummm, two times more than I get here.
Boss: Did you tell them that you’re a slacker?
Employee: Nope, but I told ’em that you appreciate my work so much that you wanted to raise my salary two times.
Boss: Bullshit! Give me their phone number and I’ll tell them the truth about you! And also, you’re fired!

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: jullylully

Homeboy customer: Yo, gots any mothafuckin’ shelves?
Employee: Did he just say what I thought he said? [Coworker nods.]Homeboy customer: Yo, man! I said, I need some mothafuckin’ shelves fo’ my mothafuckin’ clothes!
Employee, pointing: Yeah, right down that mothafuckin’ aisle.

Home repair store
Whitehall, Pennsylvania

CSR #1: I just want to know what is expected of us!
CSR #2, walking away: What is expected of us is that you suck, and I don’t, so there!

Minneapolis, Minnesota