Boss, during sales meeting: I'm still trying to hire a new salesperson. Actually, Mark* was the best candidate, based on Monica's* recommendation, but he couldn't accept the job. And that happens. So, Monica*, you don't need to feel guilty about wasting anyone's time. Although I don't think you do feel guilty, which is really weird because you're Jewish.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Secretary #1, after reading e-mail about new hire: Well, she sounds very well-endowed.
Secretary #2: What?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: I didn't see a picture.
Recruiter: Sir, you're being very argumentative.
Employee: No, I'm not!
Stoughton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Billy
50-year-old receptionist, about interviewee: I didn't like her. The interviewers aren't going to like her. She's not going to get the job. I can just tell these things.
Recruiter: What did she do that you didn't like about her?
50-year-old receptionist: Her shoes were too big for her. Probably a half size, maybe even a whole size too big! Ugh! (rolls eyes)
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: yikes
HR manager: Why didn't you hire Ashley*?
General manager: Well, Mary* in shipping said that the girl was too good looking. She'd be a distraction to the other employees.
HR manager: Oh, that's nonsense.
General manager: Well, I think that was mainly my fault. When she walked past, I snapped my neck checking her out.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: The good-looking girl in the office
Ditzy blonde intern: I just met the cutest guy on the elevator!
Less ditzy staff: Oh, which office does he work for?
Ditzy blonde intern: Hold on, he gave me his card. (shuffles through purse) Pol–politico's office?
Less ditzy staff: Shit, you talked to the press! You know you're not supposed to talk to those assholes!
Ditzy blonde intern: Shit! Are they gonna fire me?
Less ditzy staff: What are you gonna do about this?
Ditzy blonde intern, after long pause: Does politico do takebacks?
Washington, DC
Manager: Do you want to hear the rumors about layoffs and so on? Well, what I've been hearing is that things will be quiet for a while.
(flash of lightning followed by huge ominous boom of thunder)
Manager: No, I mean it!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Female sales director: So let me get this straight, you're asking me to look as slutty as possible for the event?
Male VP: Well, that is why I hired you, after all.
Female sales director: Wow! Did you really just say that?
Male VP: What? Okay, okay… you're good at your job too. Happy?
California
Project manager: I'm going to find out who sold that piece, and I'm going to chew their ass!
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: skelly
Coworker #1: Yeah, we just got some lame intern for the department, just because he is friends with the president's daughter.
Coworker #2: Huh? He really is? Isn't she like 13?
Coworker #1: Not Obama, you stoner! The president of the company.
Stonybrook University
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Kevin
