Large lesbo on cell: What’s new with me? Oh, nothing too much. Oh wait — yeah, I got a new dog! Yeah, another one. Well, my neighbor was killed in a murder-suicide with her boyfriend, so the dog had post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, it’s a Irish Settler. It’s pretty cute… A little overweight, though. Besides that, not too much. You know me — work, work, work.
Marriot Hotel Concierge VIP room
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Miguelito Morrison
Sales clerk on phone: So the reason I lost the baby was because he punched me in the stomach. Yes, girl! The police don't just investigate innocent people like that. (looks at coming customer) I'll call you back. (slams phone) Can I help you?
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: AP
Manager: My cramps are killing me. I think I just dropped an egg.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: glad i'm a guy
Coworker on phone: The baby was born retarded because her mother was a vegetarian. Thankfully the good Lord took her away.
Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Visiting VIP to local subordinate: I'm gonna go back to the hotel and take a shower. Tell your wife I'll be thinking of her.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: shazmataz
Employee #1: You have a cute belly button.
Employee #2: Yeah, I know, but there's stuff in it. I am going to dig it out with a paper clip.
Employee #1: Ill.
Employee #2: Look at it!
Employee #1: Gross! Does it smell?
Lancaster, California
Male nurse #1: I just thought of something. Wouldn’t it be so embarassing being a gynecologist? What’s your motivation? Man, that would just be so embarrassing.
Male nurse #2: Yeah, especially with your name, Dr. Beaver.
Geisinger Medical Center
Danville, Pennsylvania
Male manager to female employees: The black currant vanilla separates the men from the boys.
Idaho
Teacher: Hugh*, why are you out in the hallway? You should be in the classroom.
Student: Well, I had skidmarks in my underpants so, you know, I was putting them away…
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: another teacher
Office observationalist: It sounds like someone is pooping in the walls.
Cambie & Hastings
Vancouver, BC
Canadia
Overheard by: Martha
