Front desk person in overhead announcement at a busy medical clinic: I need a hearse–no, I'm sorry, I need a nurse from hall three to call the front desk please. A nurse from hall three to call the front desk. Thank you.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: seftiri
Woman in lift, noticing man cleaning doors: I can’t believe they clean a fucking elevator shaft, but it takes them a week to clean dried-up vomit in the foyer!
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Admin
Sales girl: Oh my god… David* is back there cleaning his office and the smell is making my head hurt.
Office manager: What’s he cleaning it with?
Sales girl: The same Fantastic crap under the sink that we all use. I’ve used it on my own desk and never been so overwhelmed by the fumes. Don’t go back there.
Office manager: Why is he cleaning it himself anyway?
Sales girl: I don’t know. (pause) He must be bathing in it. Seriously, I had to get up and walk away.
Office manager: Just close his door.
Sales girl, appalled: I can’t do that! The fumes would kill him! It would be fatal!
Office manager, grabbing her arm: Close the door. Close. The. Door.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Large lesbo on cell: What’s new with me? Oh, nothing too much. Oh wait — yeah, I got a new dog! Yeah, another one. Well, my neighbor was killed in a murder-suicide with her boyfriend, so the dog had post-traumatic stress disorder. Oh, it’s a Irish Settler. It’s pretty cute… A little overweight, though. Besides that, not too much. You know me — work, work, work.
Marriot Hotel Concierge VIP room
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Miguelito Morrison
Sales clerk on phone: So the reason I lost the baby was because he punched me in the stomach. Yes, girl! The police don't just investigate innocent people like that. (looks at coming customer) I'll call you back. (slams phone) Can I help you?
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: AP
Manager: My cramps are killing me. I think I just dropped an egg.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: glad i'm a guy
Coworker on phone: The baby was born retarded because her mother was a vegetarian. Thankfully the good Lord took her away.
Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Visiting VIP to local subordinate: I'm gonna go back to the hotel and take a shower. Tell your wife I'll be thinking of her.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: shazmataz
Employee #1: You have a cute belly button.
Employee #2: Yeah, I know, but there's stuff in it. I am going to dig it out with a paper clip.
Employee #1: Ill.
Employee #2: Look at it!
Employee #1: Gross! Does it smell?
Lancaster, California
Male nurse #1: I just thought of something. Wouldn’t it be so embarassing being a gynecologist? What’s your motivation? Man, that would just be so embarrassing.
Male nurse #2: Yeah, especially with your name, Dr. Beaver.
Geisinger Medical Center
Danville, Pennsylvania
