Admin #1: I have to have my green tea to protect me from other people's colds!
Coworker: It's too early for cold season. Yes, do whatever it takes to stay healthy.
Admin #1: Yes, and I also like echinacea but dont have any.
Admin #2: Ah, I like euthanasia too.
(pause)
Admin #2: Wait, what's the difference between euthanasia and echinacea anyways?
Fairfield County, Connecticut
Peon, to no one: When you have deja vu more than once a day, you know you have a fucking boring job.
Omaha, Nebraska
Reservationist: I heard that if you get stung by a jellyfish and you put urine on the sting, it'll stop hurting.
Reservationist #2: I'd totally pee on you.
Seattle, Washington
Wal-Mart employee: The “no regular strength.” We have extra strength up the butt, not no regular strength.
Walmart
California
Overheard by: Mavynn
Student: Is Sarah* out sick today?
Boss: No, she had to run some errands, she will be in shortly.
Worker: I knew it, she had to get the morning after pill!
(everyone laughs)
Boss to worker: Yeah, because you're so stingy with yours!
Carnegie Mellon University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Employee: So, I know that we don't normally do this, but my father in law is sick and I need to telecommute from here. Is that okay?
Boss on speaker phone: Well, I guess telecommuting is acceptable for this week, but try not to let the situation go on much longer.
Employee to husband after, hanging up the phone: I think he just told me to kill your father.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: I don't know that I have that kind of power!
Lawyer: So are you sleeping with my wife or what?
Client: [Rob], you’re hilarious.
Lawyer: ‘Cause you know, you can get her pregnant. I don’t even care.
11755 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Office drone #1: Tissues! Tissues!
(hysterical laughter)
Office drone #2: Get a mop!
Office drone #1: Oh, my head! Migraine! What's up, Brazil?
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: whaaaaaat just happened
Girl with bad case of poison ivy on face and arms, day #3: My face is looking better!
Coworker: Well… The poison ivy is clearing up.
Carrollton, New Orleans
Overheard by: Itchy
Broker #1: Ok, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Johnny’s* leg or eat the skin that Peter* peeled off his foot last year?
Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Johnny’s bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Peter. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.
440 South LaSalle
Chicago, Illinois
