Boss to another: I have a policy manual on when to take a dump each day.
Chicago, Illinois
Boss to another: I have a policy manual on when to take a dump each day.
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker, arguing against gun regulations: They say that easy access to guns leads to mass killings. Well, there's easy access to prostitutes but I don't have syphilis. I restrain myself.
Nashville, Tennessee
Office worker #1: Guess what I have?
Office worker #2: Herpes?
Office worker #1: No, actually I have a Snapple lid with random fact #1, can you believe it? The first snapple fact! “Goldfish only have an attention span of 3 minutes.”
(silence)
Office worker #3, a row away: If you had herpes, that would have been more interesing.
Office worker #1: Go to hell.
http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2008/08/goldfish.html
Overheard by: e c.
Counselor: Oh, I read about a blind couple that sailed to Australia without any assistance!
Secretary: They think it's Australia. Their kids just pulled them around the harbor for a few days, and took them to outback.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Female cube monkey: He got his medulla oblongata pierced!
Beech Grove, Indiana
Overheard by: a different department
Flamboyant marketing director: In my opinion, prostitutes are great because they help my liver. Let me explain–it cuts the process in half. I don't have to waste my money buying drinks for guys at the bar that still might not sleep with me. So… in the end, my liver is healthier because of prostitutes.
Old lady assistant: Prosciutto is good for the liver? I'll put it in a salad!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lowly Intern
Director: How you doing?
Sales rep #1: I'm good… but I've had a migraine all week.
Director: That sucks, doing anything this weekend?
Sales rep #1: Nah, I haven't done anything all week. I saw District 9 last night, though.
Director: Did you like it? I've heard mixed reviews.
Sales rep #1: I liked the social commentary. Plus, shit blows up. It can be the worst movie ever, but if shit blows up, I'm gonna watch it.
Director: Oh, hell yeah! You gotta watch it if shit blows up. That's like Terminator. You watch it cause shit blows up.
Sales rep #1: Yeah, or every Rambo movie.
Sales rep #2: How can you watch Rambo movies?
Director and sales rep #1: Shit blows up!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Office manager during staff meeting: Children should wash their hands for as long as it takes them to sing the ABCs. For adults, it's Bohemian Rhapsody.
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Lady L
Guy to friend: I need to get a girlfriend just for like a week or so. Just to get that stench on me. Besides, girls dig guys with hairy arms.
Shanghai
China
Curious office worker: How was your poop?
Man who just finished pooping: It was a magnificent log. I could have paddled across the Atlantic on it.
Curious office worker: Just the Atlantic?
Man who just finished pooping: Yeah, I'm out of shape.
Curious office worker: Oh.
Aberdeen, Maryland
